I am a dog person. You know loyalty….unlike cats….especially labs and retrievers.
But a few months earlier I was awoken by mewing….it was strange. It came from the balcony. I tried to cover my ears with cushions and ignore the mews. But they continued. I had hardly slept for 2 hours and I felt like worned out. I threw off the blanket off me and woke up angrily, my eyes still closed. I fumbled for my slippers with close eyes. I opened the balcony door. It was around 10 in the morning, but the sunlight seemed to blind me. What I saw was a little appalling. A small kitty with black and grey strips, hiding behind my flower pots and mewing relentlessly, shaking and scared. What amazed me is how the kitty landed there…..I stay on 2nd floor, and the kitty seemed just too small, perhaps a week old or 10 days. How could it be here? Its mother must have left it. May be she would take her once she finds a safe shelter for her. I came in and poured some cold milk in a bowl, left in the balcony, closed the door and crashed for my interrupted and unfinished sleep.
I woke up as usual, late, finished by daily chorus to get ready for my work. As typical, I made myself a hot cup of green tea, started my system, took a long deep breath and sat for the day’s work. I took a relaxing sip of the tea. Suddenly I recalled the kitty, I heard no mewing….perhaps it was gone. I walked up to the balcony and saw the bowl of milk licked clean….and the kitty? She was sleeping hidden behind the flower pot. I was touched. I left some more milk in the bowl, closed the balcony door and sat for work.
Late that night I heard some slurping noises and mewing….sign was clear, danger was awake. The pehredaar was on its shift…..whistling and beating the stick against the road occasionally. The mewing sound increased……now it was more like a child crying and slight scratching sound. I opened the balcony door and saw the kitty sitting next to the bowl. It must be hungry. I poured some more milk and left the balcony door open. The kitty kept mewing, but did not come inside the house.
This continued for few days. I kept pouring milk for her and wishing that her mother would come and take her away. Slowly, the kitty got used to me, she even started coming inside the house and roaming around me, purring….may be wishing that I would pick her and caress her. She used to limp; her left hind limb was injured probably. Now I was not alone, my apartment was being shared by an unauthorized tenant. She would roam behind me; brush herself against me when I went to the kitchen and sit on the mat next to where I used to work, playing with one of those sponge balls. But I was like ruthless….I never let her come close to me. One day, when I woke up I found her sleeping next to me on my bed. I had not even opened my eyes properly. And there she went, took a long yawn, stretched herself and then started licking my face. I felt irritated at first, then it turn to tickle and then I felt love. Such a sudden chemical change…I was at awe. I named her April…..since I found her in the month of April.
I unwillingly took April out one day and left her at the parking lot, thinking that her mother would find her and take her home. I felt a little pang at my heart, but I knew I was doing something right. But late that night, she found her way back….I was elated….I picked her up, caressed her for the first time. She licked my face thankingly. It was weeks now, but her limp hadn’t improved. I decided to take her to the vet. I decided to take her for a walk, in my arms. What vet said still rings in my ears. “She has Feline Leukemia is the leading viral killer of cats today and it’s deadly for her. The virus is spread by prolonged cat-to-cat contact and through bite wounds. The virus is shed in saliva, tears, urine, and feces. It is unstable in the environment and easily killed by warmth and drying. Fifty percent of these cats also have Feline Infectious Peritonitis. Half of these cats die because of Secondary Infections and ninety percent develop cancer. Probably the mother pregnant cat infected with leukemia could have transmitted the disease to her unborn kittens. I am sorry she won’t make it for long coz she is too young. Her pancreas has been irreparably damaged and the pancreatic cells that secrete insulin have been "burned out", the kitty is beyond cure.”
April had become a part of my life, a dear part of my family for the past 4 and a half, is dying. For quite some time, it has been clear that she wouldn’t be with us for much longer. Her steps have been painful and her movements stiff and guarded; but, some days have been better than others, and I have been able to ignore what was coming. Today is not one of those days—and the past couple of weeks have not held many of them either. Her eyes tell me it’s time, but it is so hard to say good-bye.
Truthfully, I wasn’t thrilled when she arrived. Of course, that meant April was handed off to me by chance. I’m a sucker for animals and had recently put a “no eye contact” policy in place with all strays. But this was way before that, and April became ours. I had a bit of a love hate relationship with her at first, but our later I took on the challenge of “training” her with gusto. Even at few weeks old, she was a lot to handle with puffy, sharp paws and a propensity for knocking me down to the ground when she pounced licking me. But with caramel colored eyes in a soft grey face, she eventually won us all over and was firmly entrenched as a member of the family. That entire sweet kitty ever wanted was to be with us 24 hours a day, and that’s pretty much been the way it’s been for the past few weeks.
April had become my sidekick. I haven’t been able to move from one room to the next without my chocolate shadow at my side or under my feet. Her snoring has been a constant in my study—along with some other less pleasant aromatic effects. I can’t imagine being here without her even though I am right now. I knew today was coming, but I guess I really didn’t.
So here I sit, waiting to hear from the vet. Waiting for him to pull out the plug and wondering if this really is it. Is she really gone from our lives? Will I never have to hold her paw through another stormy night or clean up her drool from the floor? Will I never hear her nails clicking across the floor and her banging on my bedroom door to get close to me? I can’t believe it until I see them and know for sure. And isn’t it strange that I will miss even the things I’ve griped the most about?
I hugged her neck as I left this morning to the vet. She lumbered over slowly wagging her tail and I kissed her head. In response, she licked my nose. Was it really good-bye? As I told my-miserable-self last night, “This is it! I can’t take it again—no more pets for me.” Then we both smiled and said together, “Except for the next one ….”
Good-bye sweet April. Your few weeks with me were more than worth it. You made me a cat person too.
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