~~~ Forgive and Forget. Nope. Can't. ~~~

Have you ever forgiven anybody? I mean genuinely. Somebody did something extremely grave to you and you could manage to find it in your heart to forgive them. And after that your equation with them barely suffered an inch. How many of you have really done that? I'd really like to know, coz I think I am not someone who is capable of doing that. And I don't know why. 


To me, the state of a relationship after a wrong done unto one by the another is like a broken thread that never really glues together again, you can join the pieces in a knot, but then you have that knot that never goes away. Its just is never the same again. That's how it is with me. Every time I look at the person, I relive the damned day all over again, second by second, word by word. Miraculous, how I can forget the simplest of things but I never forget when and how and why someone wronged me. The burn never goes away neither dampens with the passing of time. I never grow out of it. That sting is always there, fresh and unhealed. 


When I look back now, at instances where people I have loved and trusted have hurt me really bad, since then on our equations have been altered forever. I have never again been able to look at them in the same light ever since. Even when some of them have come back and made the effort to try and make things better. Sometimes I have found that pointless and sometimes its just really incredible. 


I wonder if that's good or bad. Human mind is capable of so much and yet I don't think we have succeeded an iota in overcoming the desire to inflict scorn at somebody. We fall victim to our dilapidated sensibility, go blind at what we just did and continue to blow our own trumpets and brand ourselves saints. I find it enormously hypocritical hence, to believe when someone like that apologizes, for the wrong they did. As if it was all mere theatrics to clean up the mess in order to ensure a hassle-free rapport in the future. 


I wish there was a way to change that. Being able to forgive someone is an act of such greatness and rarity that I wonder how many actually can do it. Which is why I want to know, how do you do it? Have you at all ever done it? Like really, seriously, genuinely done it? Forgiven and forgotten? I guess Jesus had to be the son of God to have been able to do that after the barbarianism of it all.