~~ Mixed Feelings...~~

Are you happy? It sounds like the simplest question on earth. But is it really? Most people will answer "Yes, I am" or "Of course, I'm happy". But are they really happy? Or are they just answering that question with an expected answer...

Happiness means different things to different people. For most people, they equate happiness with power and money... But if you really think about it, do the most powerful and wealthiest people in the world look truly happy?

For some people, happiness just means that they are contented with what they have.

But this kind of thinking will only get misunderstood by others of being complacency or not ambitious enough. But what they don't know is that these people are normally the happiest people on earth because they will always just live for today…so they will savor everything that they get and they are thankful for it.

There are majority of people in this world who hate their jobs and always feel that they are meant to do something big/different in their life. While it is good to dream big, at least hold on tight to what is important to you right now so that you will not lose your SOUL while you are chasing your dreams.

Do you ever feel voices screaming inside your head….? Do you ever have mixed feelings about doing or not doing something….?

Panic. Fear. A clammy cold settles on my sweat-lathered skin. Tears that burn in my red-rimmed eyes fog my vision. I am in a cloud, a dense forest of haze impenetrable by my swirling, chaotic mind.

Betrayal. Shock. Every muscle trembles, stiff. I feel weakness in my bones. My heart pounds, my lungs ache, my veins contract.

Anger. Pain. My vision is tinged with blood, my fingers clenched on the hard weapon beneath my fingers. I strengthen my resolve and move in.

Confusion. Weakness. Seconds away, and it will end. Darkness will fall. I will diminish to no more than nothing. My soul will shatter. And yet I move forwards, not knowing why.

Torture. Anguish. The voice… it speaks. My chest will surely burst as it swells with memories. Memories of the voice that even now, at the edge of the world, the end, will not plead. I cannot do this. I am not strong. I need someone to lean on. And yet, the support that was once there beside me now stands helpless before my eyes, defiant and cold. I am certain that this is for my benefit, and yet I hate him for it.

Cold. Empty. The red fades to gray. Nothing is beautiful any longer. Elements such as beauty and love no longer hold meaning. Not when I am this far. This ruined. No repair can come to my soul.

Fury. Insanity. A scream rips from my parched lips, the silence exploding into fragments of distorted images of the past, present. No future; that does not exist. Only what is and once was matters as a powerful motion erases all hesitation. The earth barely shakes as his body arcs to the dirt laden forest floor.

I allow the tears to finally run free. The sun washes over my face, my bare arms, and my dirtied legs from the weeks of tracking. I see the gleam of light upon my blade, glittering red. "I love you." The words echo in my mind, over and over, and I covet the hope that they had realized, in the end, who I was and who they were. And why, even when love conquers all, I had selflessly thrown aside all of our dreams and hopes for what really mattered.

For the world. For all mankind. For the conquest of evil to be pulled to a halt, so that good could reign the bloodstained lands once again.

I did not look back then...and I won't look back again....
Don't know why I am feeling a bit philosophical today? I guess I am just being affected by my instinct... Perhaps, sometimes when things don't go your way, all you have to do is smile…