~~ Imperfection ~~

Fate controls who walks into your life,
But you decide who to stay,
Who you let walk out,
And who you refuse to let go.

Fate…
She will chase you around for a while;
But there’s going to be a day
When she’s going to stop running in circles
Around you she’s going to get over you
And at the moment
You’re going to wish you had let her catch you…
It is then your victory…

Am I perfect for you yet?
I change myself for you to like everything I fake to be
And in the end you are still telling me I'm not the one for you
Am I perfect for anyone...?
Or I’m not the person someone could love?
Am I perfect for you yet, I do anything you ask for
Am I perfect for you yet, I give you everything I have
I don't think I will ever be perfect for any man
In the end they always say "You are not perfect,
And you are not the one for me..."

Fall in love or descend in hate
Get inspired or be depressed
Ace test or flunk a class
Make babies or make art
Speak the truth or lie and cheat
Dance on tables or sit gloomy in the corner
Life is divine chaos… just embrace it
Forgive yourself…
Breathe and enjoy the ride……..DREAM

Now I discern….
I am strong because I know I am weak somewhere
I am beautiful because I know my flaws
I am a lover because I am a pugilist
I am fearless because I had known terror
I am wise because I have been foolish
And I can laugh because I’ve known sadness
Being happy doesn’t mean everything perfect
It means that you have decided to look beyond the imperfections
After all… it’s time and not destiny who will decide who is perfect….
I am not perfect and I acknowledge that…..

~~ Crawling on the frozen claws of life ~~

…So now I crawl
On the frozen claws of life
No matter what you think now…
Lying-in bitch spits-out bodies, first breath’s a cry
Sucking every bit of poison from the nightmares,
I, the ever-pregnant mother of treacherous thoughts

I, the darkest flower, broken, left to dry
Can’t breathe this burning ice
I, with fear in the eyes, left to cry
My heart’s beat becomes so slow
Revenge of winter, the unsaid supremacy
I’m naked before this power
The dark is near, grey is here, no more sun
Seems…I’m dead before I die

Born alone, die alone, stench of earth
Where I come from and I’ll return
Change my skin and crawl
Since first cry to the last word
Reset my will to be, shut my mind up and crawl

A paralyzing cold to the bones…
I fall down, in the frozen claws of world
Flows the blood, piercing ice blades from the life
White, wet cold snow freeze my long lost soul
Subzero reset emotions
No ray of light cannot solve the iceberg I’ve got inside
Surely… I’m dead before I die

Kill my fantasies, all my dreams,
Licking prayers just with my forked tongue
Creeping through this world
Like wriggling worms…
I’m crawling through perversions
Creeping on my passions
Fear of my consciousness
My face down, my eyes teary,
The absolution of every sin
Great redemption definitive

Summer lies in a dark red ground
Shaped by thousands autumn’s dry leaves
The end is carried by the terrifying silent shivering screams
Now that my time is over
I will sleep in my lifeless grave
Inside the ancient nightmare
Far from the noises of the world
Waiting for the springs to return…

Is a butterfly I’ve never seen…?
Is there no Lord above?
To dissolve the mist?
To bring the light?
And forgive my wan life?

Wasn't what they gossiped about me?
That I’m born to serve ,
Then where is that glory, coz I decay
Free me from these rusty chains of life
Give me back my drab form, I don’t wish to be reborn
And the strength in my will, that you blew away
Put your string down and let me live, and not just exist

Beyond the endless time, of eternal will and being
Just a grain in the desert sand till my reign will be complete
Winds of fire blows below, as my whispers shapes a life
As the wonderful memories I am doomed to die

Why did you call me daughter?
Why slowly you let me wither and die?
It’s my fault…..
Why did I build up your reign?
Why have I only been praying?
Now it’s time for you to extirpate my eyes
It will be for a higher cause,
So that there are no more dreams, hopes and……nightmares…..
To haunt my disastrous nights and lifeless days…..

~~ Undefined Punishment ~~

Don’t laugh, dear, suffering eyes are closing at twilight
As the sun dies someone sobs unstoppably

Cursed existences, contamination of white
But why? Cursed existences
Drown in tears…
I can’t breathe so I
Drown in pain…

I lay on my bed soaking my pillow with my tears,
I try to remember exactly what it is that I fear.
Is it the passing of time or the love that I lack?
Is it the mistakes that I've made or the fact that I can't bring the past back?
What is it that I'm afraid of?
Why am I so scared?

Don’t smile, dear, suffering cries are weeping this twilight
Desperate souls, love lies bleeding
Drown in tears…
I can’t swim so I
Drown in pain…

Is it the people I've hurt or the people that have hurt me?
Am I afraid of everything that I can’t seem to see?
Is it the love of a friend, or the loss of my family?
Is it the possibility that my life can end in a tragedy?
What is it that I fear most?
What do my eyes say I'm scared of?

The mystery of the universe, the secrets of the stars
Seem to be hidden behind a teary mask,
A dimension built in sorrow, tragedy, and pain,
A crying child’s lament is the sound of this reign…
Save me, from this perpetual punishment

Is it the sun that sets but won't seem to rise?
Is it the hope that I have that always seems to die?
Is it the trust of a person that I cannot begin to grasp?
Is it all the memories of my horrid past?

Don’t leave me…
Like burning flames my hate loud will rise again
I’ll try to scream, I know there will be not ears for me…
Pearls in my hands, these tears wet this land
Discoloring all I see, the world is black,
I would ask you a question,
I wonder why and how
Stop it now please, take my life, if you want,
Or take my dreams, but no more pain, no more tears
What’s your answer?

Is it me?
Can it possibly be that the thing I fear most is the thing I can't be?
The things that I try to understand?
The “me” that I try to be with when I'm feeling sad?
The person I'm expected to be?
Is that what I fear...?
I think the thing I fear most...is none but “me”.

~~ Trap ~~

I never smell freshly cut grass
Or feel the warm breeze on my face
I never squint from the glare of the sun,
Or feel the sand beneath my feet

I no longer laugh with friends on outings,
Or dance to the tunes in our clubs,
To run in the wind or the rain or the snow,
And shelter in doorways from the chill

I no longer watch my children run free
Or couples in love holding hands
I no longer dress for occasions,
And plan for a fun time out

Beautiful lies
Oozing out as truth.
Everyone is afraid
To commit to the proof of corrupt world.

I am here in a box of terror,
Too terrified to look out,
Yet watching life pass me by.
As I exist but no longer live...

~~ Entrapment ~~

Why is it terrifying to live?
Why do I cry and scream from the torments of my mind?
To feel trapped by everything,
It makes me feel blind

I have fought against my terror,
I have watched my mind awake
But without a moment’s notice I’m wrecked
Drowning in a life full of fake

I am surrounded by darkness
Nowhere to turn
To find a way out
I desperately yearn

I feel all around but there is nothing but black
So tangible
So thick
Of light there is a lack

The world keeps on spinning,
The ants don’t see my pain
I don’t have any fight left in me,
Why can’t I be sane?

As I enter the room
I stop and I stare
There is noise all around me
Yet no one is there

I feel like a muse
Trapped in a cage
On the brink of tears
Yet bursting with hidden rage

And just as I am about to give up hope and just cry
I feel something beneath my hand
I keep going feeling for I cannot spy
And then at last an empty space

Finally my freedom I will chase
I used to have an existence
I used to be free,
But now I tremble in terror
From my self-imposed prison called me!

~~ Divergence ~~

Pain's bleeding through your eyes
Your sufferings are so divine
Cleanse your soul
Your empty flesh will burn into purity of fire

Confess your sins
Your screams of pain I hear with joy
Expel your putrid life
The lord of mercy forgives who survives

Torments reveal your lies
Your knowledge curses your life
Subversive practices of thoughts damn you
Satan's speaking through your mouth

In heresy you'll die
Burning the fire starts to clean your soul
Bleeding your blood will wash your sin away
Screaming under the sign of holy cross
Praying under the altar you denied

Words that shown yourself insane
You should have never said
Covenant signed in blood
The life spirit support our crusade to erase

Confront your soul to God
In his higher name we judge
Life is in our hands
Repent to Him or die delighted for your end

There's deviation in sacrality
Torments reveal your lies
Your knowledge curses your life.

~~ Journey from Mortality to Eternity... ~~

Born from your brain, sucking blood from your veins
Hollow inside, filled with your treacherous thoughts
Yet, I'm your own God?

I was the not being, you gave me form
Your own form, your own soul and womb
I'm now your own God?

You wrote laws, ancient rules on stone
Your own decree, your own conventions
Then how I'm your own God?

All the gates are locked by the keys
You bestowed me through the centuries
All my emptiness has been filled with your faith

In my name you killed, in my name you slaughtered
In the name of the human race
In my name you crucified
Teary lips darkened by livid thoughts
Cold blade shines, sweet caress to despise…

Rip
Skin is opened, in red water cut
Life’s lymph now falls, dark tragedy written in only one act

Shroud
blood spilled like tears of cry
the last one and the real one…

In red water
Cut, by troubled life
No more false dreams to cry for…

Bloodbath
to erase these desperate eyes
Self termination forbidden sacrifice
Blood spilled for a spell, the evil and fatal spell of suicide

Broken veins are vomiting the last light
Teary bed for the eternal sleep
No pain, no life, no days, no nights
Slow beats for the rhythm of tired heart song
The agonizing body loses soul, slowly
Any drop of the hopeless truth, is raining now, is falling now

Red
Frost
Senseless
…the last one, the real one,
For one last time, all in the name of God
So much blood spilled for just a spell?

I raised from your mortal body and bleeding swords
To the level of perpetual eternity
Your mortality has become my eternity
So how can I be your own GOD?

~~ FEAR ~~

Fear of inaccessible love,
Fear of never ending pain,
Fear of the unforgiving cane,
Fear of visible lies,
Fear of unfathomable sighs,
Fear of those distraught eyes,
Fear for the unknown,
Fear for the known,
Fear of everything combined.

Fear is what makes me blind,
Fear is what makes me think,
And act in blind accordance,
Hindering the world around me,
Hence, My Fear of myself…

Fear is when I run away from myself,
Fear is when I’m scared to love someone,
And let someone love me back,
Fear is when the sky turns grey,
Fear is when I lose my loved ones,
Fear is a feeling of a mysterious danger,
Fear is when I’m not courageous,
Fear is the feeling of vengeance and anger.

Fear is when I can’t behave sane,
Fear is when I’m shy,
Fear is like not having devotion,
Fear is when I’m afraid of saying bye,
Fear is like a dark deep valley,
Fear is like finale of your career,
Fear is like being lonely among crowd,
Fear is like not being able to reappear,
Fear is like feeling unnoticed and ghostly.

Fear is like an ashtray, abandoned and trashed,
Fear is like a dark dungeon.
Fear of infuriating confusion,
Fear won’t let me escape
Fear mocks me, watching
Fear taunts me, waiting
Fear of losing whom I belong,
Fear I cannot see, and what all I see.

Fear dealt upon by you unleashing,
Fear of darkness and life, more than death,
Fear of an unresponsive confidante,
Fear of being endlessly stalked,
Fear of time, and age,
Fear of all the crimes I have not committed,
Fear of the undesirable truth,
Fear for the unappreciated goods I did.

Fear for the sake of life,
Fear of the neighbors next door,
Fear of the secretive man in the subway,
Fear of the revolutionary uproar,
Fear of not able to rejoice my life, just existing,
But to fear is to forsake it.

Fear is to have no hope in life,
Fear of the terror of trepidation;
We need no reason to fear,
For fear has no reason for itself.
I guess life is just like that,
To fear for no reason,
For to fear is not to reason,
But to reason is to fear.
So let me think,
What else do I fear?

I fear the struggle for unreachable fruit,
I fear the strife for being loved,
A fear of death unknown and unnoticed,
A fear of life trapped in your own cage.
I fear for every acquaintance,
I fear for me when I look into the mirror,
I fear of what will come to be.

There's plenty to fear, than fear itself.
I fear the unfathomable pain.
I fear my well of hope is running dry,
I fear so much, I'm forced to cry.
I fear anonymity.
I fear the blade that seems to chop my life.
I fear the lady I came to be.
I fear the gloom and fail to see.

I fear life has left me on the shelf,
Far behind, right at the square one.
I fear the help, for which I cry,
I fear success I failingly again and again retry…

I fear of floating thoughts all around,
Of awful cacophony of noises with no sound.
I don’t feel fine if anyone grabs what’s mine!
They dance in circle tonight over absurd songs,
I fear lurking smiles everywhere.
A while ago they had no mouth,
But now they start to mock and laugh.
They pierce my ears and thorn my heart.

I ask myself “why?”
A sweat rolls down my spine, and
I whisper to myself “coz….my dear, you fear.”

~~ Phobia ~~

I am a damsel who walks alone
And when I'm walking down a dark road
At night, or strolling through the park
When the light begins to change
I sometimes feel a little strange
A weird anxiousness when it's gloomy

Fear of the shadows, Fear of the dark
I have constant fear that something's always near
Fear of the nooks, Fear of the corner alleys
I have a phobia that someone's always there

Have you run your fingers down the wall?
And have you felt your neck skin crawl?
When you're searching for the light?
Sometimes when you're scared to take a look
At the next nook or the corner of the room
You've sensed that something's watching you?

For, I fear there is nobody to tell me “There’s nothing to fear -
That you can and you will.
Only you can do your work in as fine a way
For you are the invincible you.
So face the world, and all life is yours
To conquer and love and live:
And you'll find the happiness that endures
In just the measure you give;
There's nothing too good for you to possess,
Nor heights where you cannot go:
Your power is more than belief or guess -
It is something you have to know.
There's only one you in the world today
You can win in every battle or test;
For there's no one just like you
Set your foot on the highest hill -
There's nothing you cannot do.”

So, I have a constant fear that something creepy is always near.
I have a PHOBIA that someone detrimental ready to pounce on me is always there…