~~ Shadows Unreal ~~

I am being a loser. I am not keeping my promises to myself. I am planning but not implementing. I am being an emotional disaster. I am bored. I want to create a mess. I am quiet when I should say it and I am saying it when I should shut up. I am doing a lot of useless thinking. I am completely jobless. I am busy doing nothing because what I am doing is not gonna take me anywhere if I do not put in that extra 200%. I am being difficult. I am acting complicated. In my pursuit of trying to make everyone happy, I might end up getting irritating. Too good is Too Boring! Damn!

You need not come knocking at my door again and again. You have changed my life and have given the dimension that it is today. You had all the plans to ruin and destroy my tomorrows. Basing your selfish dreams on my vulnerable self, you thought, you won, and you conquered. You were wrong. Can't you see? It all turned out to be exactly opposite. I got more meaning than I ever had in my life. For once I have a purpose. I have a dream. For once, things are real and yet *touchwood* beautiful.

Now its time for you to recede into your own self. Trust me, nothing you try is going to change the way things are today. I couldn’t be used. I was never meant to go down on my knees. I was always going to rise. It was my fault that I never respected myself, never thought that I deserve to reach out for my dreams, even if they meant going beyond the skies and all those stars.

I have seen you conspiring against me. I have seen you making me feel sorry for myself, in spite of not being all that wrong. You always wished for me to be there, dancing to your tunes, where all I was supposed to do and be, should be in accordance to your whims and fancies. But I pity you today. I feel extremely sorry for you. No wait! I don't! I am not sorry. You should be. You should realize now, because its high time that you did.

You got no rights, whatsoever, on me today. It's my truth. It's my fact. It's my right to be this way. So recede, behind your borders. Know your limits and be there. It's ok even if it takes a part of me to be left behind. But I don’t want any of that nonsense, any of that crappy goody goody shit.

This woman is way different from that girl. The girl who was naive, who could go to any extent to be valued, who didn’t respect herself and compromised her way through all the lines of life, all that for a wild goose chase. But it's not only her. There has been something superior, something divine, who was with her throughout, and didn't let her break into million pieces.

Today, she knows how to differentiate between people who matter and who don't. Today she loves herself, as well. Today she knows how to be true to herself.

Today,
When she looked around,
She found,
There were no shadows,
In the light,
No 'friends' forever,
No baseless foundations,
And fake notions,
Of yesterday's dreams.

Today when she looked around,
She found but one thing,
'Her-Self'.

P.S. Some things are better left unsaid. But some things are better expressed, if not, they start eating you from inside. Don't keep it bottled up inside you. Say it! Now! Things that do not deserve a place in your heart, throw it on paper. Totally. Then, mock at it, read it, laugh at it. You are special so take care!

~~ I am Not Inferior to You. I am Me! ~~

It has helped me a great deal. No one knows but sometimes I do get this creepy thing known as 'inferiority complex'. Seriously, and when it comes I recede into myself, which is not happening off late. Now, I have done a little repair of my thought process. It is really simple. STOP COMPARING YOURSELF WITH EVERY TOM, DICK AND HARRY!

Yup, it does sound like you have heard it so many times. But the logic behind this post is totally different. For example, if you think you are fat, you obviously have someone who is lean in your mind, with whom you are comparing yourself time and again. Feeling 'short' does mean that someone 'tall' is overpowering your self confidence. Stop doing that right away! If parents are blamed for comparing their kids with other kids who do well in school, then shouldn’t we be blamed for not paying due respect to our own individuality and uniqueness. Another boring thought, but makes perfect sense, if properly imbibed - 'You are you and no one else can be you, no matter how much they try. So why do you want to be like them and lose who you are? If all of us become copies of each other, the beauty of diversity will vanish in thin air and a million other things will happen which I don’t need to talk about. Because if you love yourself even a bit, you would know how harmful it is to keep disrespecting the fact that you are so special and unique.

I know I am not being able to express this piece of thought with all that impact but trust me, I stopped comparing myself from anyone around. Now I do stuff, which I want to do. I am working out because I want to be fit, not because someone else looks good because she is slim. I am ambitious now because I want to reach heights and make an identity for myself, not because someone else is all shining and full of talent.

This race of becoming someone else will exhaust us and we will lose the race even before we begin. Being me, is what has got me till here today and doing what I want to do or be, will take me where I want to be tomorrow.
"You are the best." Doesn’t it sound more real when you are not comparing yourself to anyone? Isn’t it inspiration enough to get a desire to rule the world, or your own sweet little abode, that's you. Rule yourself, by your own principles, and see the shimmer in your eyes and the glow of your soul.

I have realized that:
I am the only one I know how to be. Trying to be someone else is a nightmare but if someday someone turns to me, and tells me, that they want to be like me.... It will be a dream come true. Am I being a hypocrite? Ironical but true!

~~~ Project "TEACHER" ~~~

The Good Lord was creating teachers. It was His sixth day of 'overtime' and He knew that this was a tremendous responsibility for teachers would touch the lives of so many impressionable young children. An angel appeared to Him and said, "You are taking a long time to figure this one out."

"Yes," said the Lord, " but have you read the specs on this order?"
TEACHER:
…must stand above all students, yet be on their level
... must be able to do 180 things not connected with the subject being taught
... must run on coffee and leftovers,
... must communicate vital knowledge to all students daily and be right most of the time
... must have more time for others than for herself/himself
... must have a smile that can endure through pay cuts, problematic children, and worried parents
... must go on teaching when parents question every move and others are not supportive
... must have 6 pair of hands.

"Six pair of hands, " said the angel, "that's impossible"
"Well, " said the Lord, " it is not the hands that are the problem. It is the three pairs of eyes that are presenting the most difficulty!"

The angel looked incredulous, " Three pairs of eyes...on a standard model?"

The Lord nodded His head, " One pair can see a student for what he is and not what others have labeled him as. Another pair of eyes is in the back of the teacher's head to see what should not be seen, but what must be known. The eyes in the front are only to look at the child as he/she 'acts out' in order to reflect, " I understand and I still believe in you", without so much as saying a word to the child."

"Lord, " said the angel, " this is a very large project and I think you should work on it tomorrow".

"I can't," said the Lord, " for I have come very close to creating something much like Myself. I have one that comes to work when he/she is sick.....teaches a class of children that do not want to learn....has a special place in his/her heart for children who are not his/her own.....understands the struggles of those who have difficulty....never takes the students for granted..."

The angel looked closely at the model the Lord was creating.
"It is too soft-hearted, " said the angel.
"Yes," said the Lord, " but also tough, You can not imagine what this teacher can endure or do, if necessary".

"Can this teacher think?" asked the angel.
"Not only think," said the Lord,. "but reason and compromise."

The angel came closer to have a better look at the model and ran his finger over the teacher's cheek.
"Well, Lord, " said the angel, your job looks fine but there is a leak. I told you that you were putting too much into this model. You can not imagine the stress that will be placed upon the teacher."

The Lord moved in closer and lifted the drop of moisture from the teacher's cheek. It shone and glistened in the light.
"It is not a leak," He said, "It is a tear."

"A tear? What is that?" asked the angel, "What is a tear for?"
The Lord replied with great thought, " It is for the joy and pride of seeing a child accomplish even the smallest task. It is for the loneliness of children who have a hard time to fit in and it is for compassion for the feelings of their parents. It comes from the pain of not being able to reach some children and the disappointment those children feel in themselves. It comes often when a teacher has been with a class for a year and must say good-bye to those students and get ready to welcome a new class."

"My, " said the angel, " The tear thing is a great idea...You are a genius!!"
The Lord looked somber, "I didn't put it there."

~~~ A hundred years from now ~~~

A century…
One Hundred Years from now
It will not matter
What kind of limousine I drove?
What kind of duplex bungalow I lived in?
How much money was in my bank account?
Nor what my fancy clothes looked like?
Nor worry about my Gucci, Bossinni and Jimmy Choo’s…?
But the world may be a better place because…
I was important…in the life…as a child…as a girl…as a woman...

~~~ My golden school days ~~~

Half awake
Sleepy burning eyes,
Already 8 am,
And the usual echoes of a day…
Mom yelling from kitchen,
“Get up. Will you? It’s already 8. You don’t want to be late for school assembly.”

Long past, the ghosts of memories manifold…
Childhood memories that once were green and gold
But now, are grim and ashen grey.
The drowsy schoolgirl wakened up from sleep,
First feeds her system with substantial barely chewed food,
Then off for school with tasks half understood,
Alas, those cribs now sound so lame and cheap!

Yet there was an excitement bubbling within
To reach the school…
Riding the cycle ferociously with winds blowing through the hair
Dumping the satchel in the classroom
Rumbling down the stairs for the assembly hall
Queues lined up…all in attention
Sneaking, peeking through corner of eyes
The loved infatuated one….
Ohh the mere glimpse or smile from him
Would run chills down the spine, goose bumps on flesh, butterflies in tummy…

Kicking up a ball before the teachers come,
leaping over fences in the morning sun .
School children must have fun at play .
The usual sing song, "Good morning teacher"
We all did say.
"Good morning Children "
Was the reply at the beginning of another school day .
It was early morning in 1988,
A teacher with cane in hand approached,
"Who's responsible for breaking the windows "?
"Don't know sir"
We giggled in the background.
Screams of excitement echoed around the playground.
It was innocence at play.
Jumping from the roof twenty feet off the ground.
The teacher went off his head,
"Stop that at once and come over here"
The din of his voice was like a police sirens screeched.

Within, the master’s desk is seen,
Deep scarred by raps official;
The warping floor, the battered seats,
The pen-knife’s carved initials dash loves dash
The charcoal frescos on its wall;
Its door’s worn sill, betraying
The feet that, creeping slow to school,
Went storming out to playing!

From 9 am through 4 pm, it was same
Running across the corridors, screaming for nothing.
Library time was time for mischief
Lunch breaks were freedom time
Budding love, passing chits, conspiring love-bird meets
And there were times when
Scattered across the concrete where our bags,
Gathered on our red faces where cheeky giggles.
His objections were overruled.
Dismissed we made our way out of mathematics lessons ,
That we would take on another way as we worked out a part in,
The difference between x plus y all over the square root
Of those prime numbers to the power of
Whatever you've out smartened .
We all fit in somehow and together we stood in lines…

The hours of lessons -- hours with feet of clay
Each hour a day, each day more like a week:
While hapless urchins heard with blanched cheek
The words of doom "Come in on Saturday".
The master gowned and spectacled, precise,
Trying to rule by methods firm and kind
But always just a little bit behind
The latest villainy, the last device,

Born of some smooth faced rogue’s fertile brain
To irritate the hapless pedagogue,
And first involve him in a mental fog
Then "have" him with the same old tale again.
The "bogus" fights that brought the principal down
To that dark corner by the old brick wall,
Where mimic combat and theatric brawl
Made noise enough to terrify the town.

But on rainy days the fray was genuine,
When small boys pushed each other in the mud
And fought in silence till thin streams of blood
Their dirty faces would incarnadine.
The football match or throw-ball practice in the field
With rampant hoodlums joining in the game
Till on one famous holiday there came
A gang that seized the football for a lark.
Then raged the combat without rest or pause,
Till one, a hero, Hawkins unafraid
Regained the ball, and later on displayed
His nose knocked sideways in his country's cause.

Ooooh’s and Aaah’s cheered the girls.
He saw her lift her eyes; he felt
The soft hand’s light caressing,
And heard the tremble of her voice,
As if a fault confessing.
“I’m sorry that I spelt the word:
I hate to go above you,
Because,”—the brown eyes lower fell,
“Because, you see, I love you!”
To right and left, he lingered;—
As restlessly her tiny hands
The blue-checked apron fingered

Before the mind quaint visions rise and fall,
Old jokes, old students passed out and gone:
And some that lead us still, while some toil on
As rank and file, but "Grammar" children all.
And he, the school captain, who had laid the course
For all to steer by, honest, unafraid --
Truth is his beacon light, so he has made
The name of the old School a living force.

Still memory to a gray-haired lady
That sweet child-face is showing.
Dear girl!
The grasses on her grave
Have thirty years been growing!
She lives to learn, in life’s hard school,
How few who pass above her
Lament their triumph and her loss,
Like her…because they loved the fire-fighter her.

Every day with our backs to the wind as we began to grow.
The school bell rang,
The streets signs changed ,
Traffic signals went up
Before you knew it ,
Times had changed and it was time for us to go
Into the lifeless, cruel and selfish world…

~~~ Jelly Beans ~~~

Jelly beans, jelly beans, shifting in the jar.
Searching and looking, where the pink ones are.
I spot one here, I spot one there,
They shift around, it's just not fair!

White and black ones go away.
Pinks and reds can always stay.
Searching for jelly beans, big mistake!
The jar falls down, crashes and breaks!

Jelly beans, jelly beans, bouncing everywhere.
I just wanted a pink one!
This really isn't FAIR!
Red is for the passion in heart.
Green is for the grass so soothing.
Yellow is for the sun so bright.
Orange is for the edge of night.
Black is for the starless nights.
White is for the transparency of soul.
Purple is for royalty you borrow.
Pink is for our new tomorrow.
A bowl full of jelly beans, Colorful and Sweet
Is a prayer, a promise, all the loved one's special treat!!
Remind us of the reasons
Childhood makes our life so complete

Families are like jelly beans
Each one uniquely colored,
Some are red, some pink, some green
And some are even spotted!
Each one's flavor is all its own
Some tart, some sweet, some sweeter,
Some get scooped up right away
And some get saved for later.

But although each one's different
And some favored over others,
Put them all in a basket and
They all get along great together!

~~~ The real YOU ~~~

In caverns deep our thoughts descend
Time appears to take its leave
Transience becomes a statue
Now arrives and we receive

Clarity beckons from within
As worldly pressures fade
New feelings build from far inside
Old patterns start to abrade

Deeper we delve into our soul
Past traumas and sad events
Discarding those with no more use
A new life soon to commence

Through the world we have created
This life appears so intense
You must turn off the day to day
To hear the sound of silence

Getting past dreams of yesterday
Allows today to be new
But first to the depths of quiet
To discover the REAL you …

~~~ Borrowed from rainbow ~~~

I’d borrow from the night its ink
Fill my ivory straw to the end
Freeze a raging storm with a wink
Then surrender myself to the wind

I’d travel centuries of time
To witness with my only eye
Scenes of first committed crime
Surely you are thinking, Why?

Well…
To record how the world began
With words of love and longing
Between one woman and a man
Who found themselves in bonding

How the first brothers on earth
Were trapped in an act of a devil
Forgot they have shared a birth
And argued their ways to level

My tears would be a mixture
Of fear, laughter and sorrow
For the painful realistic picture
Hidden in sleeves of tomorrow

And when my ink is over
I’ll be dragging a vision
Drops from a rainbow
Changed to iridescent emerald eyes
I dare not visit the future...
I dare not even imagine!!!

~~~ Identity ~~~

We all have multiple selves and multiple masks that we wear in the world (daughter, sister, wife, mother, daughter-in-law, mother-in-law, grandma….or father, son, brother, employee, coach, teacher, friend, mentor, employer, teammate, and on and on). I talk in the singular here, but we are multiple (in a good way) and so we have many masks and roles we wear - and hide behind.

But how often do we reveal the person behind those masks, the true selves we inhabit, often without awareness? How often do we even reveal to ourselves the people behind our masks?

How often do you allow yourself to be seen, let others know who you are? Do you reveal the parts we are often afraid to let others see? How often do you truly see others and not only the mask or your expectation of who that person is?

Most of us wear a kind of mask -- a persona that hides our deepest thoughts and feelings and presents a polished, controlled face to the world.

We are all called upon to fulfill multiple roles in life, friend, sibling, offspring, parent, colleague, team mate, neighbor and mentor to name a few. Many people struggle with the demands of creating or defining the different personas required for these various roles we are required to play in life within differing environments.

The danger, though, is to feel the need to redefine yourself for each setting. Granted, there are probably differing expectations of you in each setting, but this shouldn’t change the fundamental way in which you approach the world.

As we mature we are constantly taking in examples of certain behavior which we observe, and we try to emulate those which we admire. The important thing to remember though is to take these pieces and make them your own, congruent with your world view and approach to others. Some people become an amalgam of confusing attributes and contradictory behavior as they try to become something which they are not.

You must be grounded first, grounded in what you believe, what you stand for, and what your priorities are in life. Only then can you present yourself as a consistent person of integrity in any facet of your life.
We need to be careful when approaching the world, with different faces, or masks, within different settings. We shouldn’t deviate too far from our core being. Our own core being is our creation and a precious thing, like a beautifully crafted gem, and we should not feel reluctant to let it be seen. We do this by allowing others to see into it through the different facets we present to them at various times in different settings, not by masking it completely with incongruent behavior.

To be sure, a persona is a good thing to have. For example, meetings at work, holidays with the in-laws and first dates are usually not the best times to spill your guts. Just because you're selective about what you reveal to the world does not mean you're insincere. Phoniness is only when we lie about what's really going on inside.

Much of the time, we interact mask-to-mask with other people. There's a place for that. But remember times when someone saw through your mask to see the real you, the person back behind your eyes? If you're like me, those times were both unnerving and wonderful.

Even though it's scary, everyone longs to be seen, to be known. You long to have your hopes and fears acknowledged -- the ones behind a polite smile or a frown of frustration. You long to have your true caring seen, as well as your positive intentions and natural goodness. Most intimately of all, you long to feel that your innermost being -- the one to whom things happen, the one strapped to this rollercoaster of a life, trying to make sense of it before it ends -- has been recognized by someone.

This goes both ways. Others long to be seen by you. Besides the ways that seeing the person behind the eyes benefits others, it's good for you, too. Being seen is often the real stake on the table, the top priority, more important to other people than whether you agree with them about something. When someone gets that sense from you -- that he or she exists for you as a person, not just as a pain in the neck or as someone with whom to get through this meeting, dinner, bedtime routine, phone call or sexual experience -- then it's much easier to take care of the matter at hand, whatever it is.

Sensing the deepest layers in people can nourish you in other ways, too. For example, I have a relative with a big heart but a difficult personality who drives me a little crazy. Finally, I have started to imagine that being with her was like looking at a bonfire through a lattice covered with thorny vines. I focused on the love shining through and warming my own heart, and didn't get caught up in the vines. That helped both of us a lot.

This week, with different people, get a sense of the person behind the eyes. It's not a staring contest; it can actually help to look away, so you're not distracted by surface details. (While I'm using the word "see," of course you are also hearing the person behind the words and sensing the person embedded in the body sitting across from you.)

Take a moment to relax and set aside your case about the other person, and open to the being down in there somewhere, maybe rattled and defensive and acting in ways that are problematic, but really just yearning for happiness and some way to move forward in life.

You could also sense your own innermost being, and then imagine that core -- that sense of being alive, the recipient of experiences, the one for whom life is hard sometimes -- inside the other person. Let that recognition of the person over there show in your face, in your own eyes. Be brave and let them perceive you seeing them. Notice how this recognition changes the course of an interaction -- perhaps softening it, making it more authentic, leading to a good resolution more gently and quickly. As an advanced practice, you could even raise the subject with someone of the degree to which you feel seen (or not) as persons by each other. That kind of conversation can transform a relationship.

Lastly, enjoy being a person yourself, the channel through which your life streams, with some of the richest streaming being the other persons all around you.

A key aspect of a gentleman is that he knows himself, and is comfortable with that. As a result his behavior, in all situations, is congruent with his beliefs.

Food for thought...Which mask is the real one? I guess we tend to forget our real face behind the changing facets of masks after masks. Ask yourself. Who we really are without the masks?

~~~ Friends without faces ~~~

We sit and type,
And we stare at our screens.
We all have to wonder,
What this possibly means.

With our mouse we roam,
Through the rooms in a maze.
Looking for something or someone,
As we sit in a daze.

We chat with each other,
We type all our woes.
Small groups we do form,
And gang up on our foes.

We wait for somebody,
To type our name.
We want recognition,
But it is always the same.

We give kisses and hugs,
And sometimes flirt.
In IMs we chat deeply,
And reveal why we hurt.

We do form groups
But-why we don't know.
That some of these friendships,
Will actually flourish and grow.

Why is it on screen,
We can be so bold.
Telling our secrets,
That have never been told.

Why is it we share,
The thoughts in our mind.
With those we can't see,
As though we were blind.

The answer is simple,
It is as clear as a conscience bell.
We all have problems,
And need someone to tell.

We can't tell real people,
But tell someone we must.
So we turn to the listener,
And those we can trust.

Even though it is crazy,
The truth still remains
They are friends without Faces,
With odd little names.

~~~ Binding Bandage ~~~

Let me be the bandage for your bleeding;
Let me be the ocean for your tears.
Let me be the secret of your healing;
Let me be the song to still your fears.

Love isn't love that cannot love in darkness,
Nor is it love that turns away from pain;
Nor would I love would I not hold your sadness
And with my love your love of life sustain.

So do not think your malady a burden,
And do not think my willingness deceit.
Just let your sorrow flow into my garden,
And I will share with you the harvest sweet.

Coz….you are my friend and I am yours…
And a friend's an attitude within you,
A talk you can always continue
A feeling you have known awhile,
A thought that sparks an inner smile.

A friend's a person you hold dear,
Who ventures far, yet stays quite near,
Whose presence sets the spirit free,
Who brings out candor and honesty.

A friend shares all your joys and tears,
Feels triumph with you, knows your tears,
Accepts your strengths and weaknesses too,
Won't let small things dull friendship's hue.

A friend will walk life's miles with you,
And nourish values sound and true,
Though paths may sometimes drift apart,
True friendship never leaves the heart...

And if it's bleeding, surely friend is a bandage till its healthy and hearty again.....

~~~ Coincidence Vs Miracles ~~~

I was asked the other day if I believed in coincidences. I said that, "No I don't believe that there are any coincidences in this life. I do believe that there are miracles in this life, however. I see more proof of them every day."

Just look at the world around us. Is it a coincidence that the sun rose so beautifully today that it filled countless hearts and souls with wonder, love, peace, and joy? It seemed more like a miracle to me. Is it a coincidence that life developed so intelligently and perfectly on this world? Is it coincidences that birds know to fly south each winter that the seasons change and flowers bloom each spring, and that thousands upon thousands of different plants and animals live, grow, and thrive here? It seems to me more like a hundred million miracles created by a glorious, joyous mind and a loving hand.

Look at your own lives as well. Is it a coincidence that you accidentally walked into the wrong room and met the person who changed your life and blessed you with love? Is it a coincidence that you followed a silent urge to turn off the road before you had to and later learned you avoided a deadly accident because of it? Is it a coincidence that you were on the verge of despair and then heard a song, or read a line, or got a call that lifted your spirits and strengthened your soul once again? Are they all coincidences or are they all little miracles created by God and His angels to guide you, protect you and help you to ever greater love, joy, and goodness in your life?

Embrace the miracles in your life then. Embrace the miracle of life. Rejoice in these miracles and use them to choose and share ever more love and joy with others. Celebrate in the knowledge that you are loved, cared for, and watched over by God and always remember that Life is full of Miracles not coincidences.

Everyone wants to ride with you in the limo, but what you need is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down. - Oprah Winfrey

~~~ Significance ~~~

What is more important?
Living or Life itself…?
Hope it’s not too late when we whisper to ourselves, “Isn’t my life story happening faster than my life?”

~~~ Spare me ~~~

I pray thee spare me gentle boy,
Press me no more for that slight toy,
That foolish trifle of your heart;
I swear it will not do its part,
Though you do what suits you employing your power and art.

For through long custom it is known
The little secrets, and is grown
Sullen and wise, will have its will,
And like old hawks pursue that’s still
That makes least sport, flies only where it can kill.

Some youth have not made their story,
Will think perhaps the pain is the glory,
And mannerly sit out love's feast;
I shall be carving of the best,
Rudely call for the last course before the rest.

And oh when once that course is past,
How short a time the feast doth last?
Men die and scarce say elegance,
Or civilly once thank the Godly face
That did invite, but they cowardly seek another place…

~~~ Goodbye ~~~

Sweety…look we got to talk
I know
It's just...
Some things I need to get off my chest alright....

Listen...
Honey come here and sit down, let's talk
I have a lot to say so I guess I'll start by
Saying that I love you,
But you know, this thing hadn't been
No walk in the park for us
I swear it'll only take a minute
You'll understand when I finish…
And I don't want to see you cry…I swear
But I don't want to be the one to tell you a lie so

How do you let it go?
When you just don't know…
What's on the other side of the door
When you're walking out, talk about it
Everything I tried to remember to say
Just went out my head
So I’m doing my best I can to get you to understand


There's never a right time to say goodbye
But I need to make the first move
'Cause if I don't, you will start hating me
Cause I really don't feel the way I once felt about you
It’s me who fell out
Girl it's not you, it's me
I got to figure out what I need…
Ohh….why is it so difficult…it hurts

Baby, I know your heart is breaking
And over a thousand times I am sorry
Found myself asking, "Why? Why?"
Why am I taking so long to say this?
But trust me, girl I never
Meant to crush your world
And I never thought I would see the day we grew apart
And I want to know how you will let it go…
Girl I hope you understand what I'm trying to say.
We just can't go on
Pretending that we get along

Listen to your heart
Girl you know that we should be apart…
I, I just can't do it
I just can't do it alone
And it makes me shout and cry
But I have to make the first move
I need to figure out what I need
But we know that we have to go
Our separate ways

And I know it's hard but I got to do it…
And it's killing me…I am bleeding
And one thing I want you to know
That it’s me who fell out
Girl it's not you, it's me
Also there's never a right time…
Right time to say GOODBYE…

~~~ Yesterday ~~~

How do I say goodbye to what we had?
The good times that made us laugh
Outweigh the bad.

I thought we'd get to see forever
But forever's gone away
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.

I don't know where this road
Is going to lead
All I know is where we've been
And what we've been through.

If we get to see tomorrow
I hope it's worth the entire wait
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.

And I'll take with me the memories
To be my sunshine after the rain
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.

And I'll take with me the memories
To be my sunshine after the rain
Oh why is it so hard to say goodbye to yesterday…?

~~~ Spare me ~~~

Oh, spare me dear of words and games
Fear not, for I’d not come to harm
Not to destroy I carry flames
But to enlighten thy dawn

Too long, my love I spoke in whispers
When in my soul the storm was roaring,
But now time has come to bear the witness,
Of this truth to be reborn

I bring no flowers, nor precious gifts,
No dreams, no promises to keep.
But ask what's wrong in doing good
When that is all I need.

To draw into thy pristine face
The honest smile to carry it was made.
I'd kill and may not rest until I found
A way to see you great

Fear not my heart, my love is pure
Send me to hell if 'tis this what would
There’s nothing you'd do I'd not endure
For as long as I know you're good.

My mind was follied, the steady lie
That I'd love you less, it made me ply
This truth unveiled, I breathe again
I'm ready to begin

Now, set free this spirit bound to thee
Or send the walls around you 'way
Get passed or into knowing me
Stop blacking thy own way...

~~~ Fool ~~~

It's ok to kiss a fool,
It's ok to let a fool kiss you,
But never ever let a kiss fool you....

It's still best to wait for the one you want
Than settle for the one available.
Best to wait for the one you love
Than settle for one who's around.
Best to wait for the right one.
Life is short to waste on the wrong person....

It is better to meet the person, who will truly love you later,
Than meet someone now who promises to love
You but sooner or later leave you forever.....

Never try to impress someone to make him or her fall in love with you
If you do, you will be expected to keep the standard for the rest of your life...

Fate determines who comes into our lives…
And the heart determines who stays....

~~~ Dream ~~~

Whatever is the place
Whatever might be the time
Your memory is always with me.
How can I forget you?
When you and me is one...

~~~ Warmth ~~~

I still feel the warmth
Of the first day I saw you....
When I was with you
I felt this unbreakable bind.
Your wonderful eyes
No matter what point
Of the day I still miss
Your everlasting ways
And your gentle kiss
Anything I think of
Reminds me of you...

How you’ll be there with me forever
And always be true
I wanted to act crazy
And to make you smile
I wanted for you to be happy
And to cuddle a while
I wanted you to hold me
And to cradle me with care
To tell me you cared for me
And you’ll always be there…

I didn’t only want you
I needed you so much
I needed to feel
Your thoughtful touch
You made me smile
When I was sad
You helped me through
All through the bad
You were my other half
You completed my soul
You were my life
And you made me whole!


You made me feel special,
You made me feel new,
You made me feel loved,
With everything you did.

You held me close when I was sad.
You wiped the tears from my face.
Every time we were together,
It seemed like the perfect place.

My eyes lighted up when you entered a room.
I smiled when we are together.
No matter how bad things were,
You always made them better.

I loved the way you took away all my pain,
Made me feel light and gay,
I could be with you all my life.

I loved the way you made me laugh
For absolutely no reason at all.
I loved how no matter what I did,
You would be there to catch me when I fell.

You made me happy
You made the wind seem so silent
You made me feel complete
You made everything feel so great

I just wanted you to know,
That even though we sometimes fought,
I will always cared for you!
No matter what... day or night....

~~~ No Time for Talk ~~~

I tried to tell you how it was,
How I was starting to fall out of love.
But, you never listened to me.


I tried to tell you that I noticed you were
Breaking away from my embrace.
I noticed that you stayed out a little longer each night.

I noticed we stopped having dinner together.
You went on more out of town business trips,
But no extra money came into the house.

I tried to talk to you about it,
But you always said I was out of pocket,
That it wasn’t like that.


I guess you were happy in your new world.
You didn’t need me bringing you down because,
You had someone else who was exciting your world.
I was turned into your slacker.


But don’t ever think I never knew.
I never had to go to Cheaters, because
I already knew we fell apart.

Then, I fell out of love,
Because you never listened to me
And now, we are done.

I am gone....

~~~ Pain ~~~

This yearning in my heart
This confusion in my mind
The words left unspoken
Haunts me all the time...

Everyday I watch pass by
With an emptiness in my life
And a hole in my heart
Where only you belong...

There are nights I wake up crying
And wishing you were here
To hold me in your arms
And kiss away my tears...

There is something that keeps me holding on -
What I'll never know
But one day things will go my way
And I'll have you in my arms...