Reminiscence

It’s close to midnight and I see you online. Should I say hi, hello, How’ve you been? It’s been awhile and I miss your company? Or should I just ignore you the same way that you’ve gone away for awhile.
Ahhh....this is always the case on and off then I see you again and we’re back at the beginning. All those ghostly questions come rushing to me. I just look horrifying at them at loss of words.
How do you start living again a new life?
How do you find the courage to go on & find a new horizon?
How do you say goodbye to someone who has touched something deep inside you?
How do you let go of a dear friend & companion in those loneliest moments in your life?
How do you stay strong despite the weakness you’ve constantly felt?
How do you even find time to smile although your heart is crying in vain?
How do you go on when something wants to stay put in the past?
Too many questions I don’t have any answers or clue. I’ve been contemplating most of the times of these feelings & keep on wondering what is it with you that made me feel so deep.
I guess somehow you’ve crept & stuck yourself firmly inside my heart…..just to feel pain later on. But I guess you did exactly that, you tore the wall I had built so hard and just leave it shattered & broken.
I wish I am just dreaming. I wish you are not gone but when I open my eyes each day I know it’s real. I know you are gone and I don’t know if you’ll ever come back. So I guess I will live my life again back to the time I haven’t met you.
What I need now is to be strong in facing my future alone without you, to make my own plans, to focus more on my own dreams and hopefully to forget you totally. It’s really up to you if you intend to keep your promise. But, as for me I’m going to fly away and chase my dreams, and if someday God permits I might just go back the same path, the same road again and perhaps see you there waiting for me.
But, that’s too long to think, too far to imagine so I’ll just live my life fully yet still hoping for love to come and stay.
Above all, I absolutely refuse to compromise my heart and bend to your will. At least not at this time in my life. You're not ready to be my everything. Its time to test the saying.“Adversity is like a strong wind. It tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that we see ourselves as we really are.”