The Fire Within

We stand there,
Looking out together into the distance,
The sky is reaching for azure,
The sea is calm,
The sun is setting,
Its flames sputtering out,
In the cool waters of the Bay.


And I feel a feeling of warmth,
A glow that was surreal,
As you put your head on my shoulder,
As your delicate fingers play around with your curls,
Your other arm curls around my arm,
Your hand enclosed in mine.


You are wearing that dress I love,
The white one with the pink flowers on it,
And your tresses are untied,
Blowing in the cool sea breeze,
Filling the air with a fragrance ever so divine,
Like a jasmine blooming in the night.


And then you look up at me,
With those beautiful brown eyes,
Your cheeks rosy,
Like a white flower with just a tinge of red on it,
As we looked in each other’s eyes we knew,
The greatest of oceans couldn’t make our love go out,
Because it isn’t just the heat of the moment,
Because it is a fire that burned within us.

Reminiscence

It’s close to midnight and I see you online. Should I say hi, hello, How’ve you been? It’s been awhile and I miss your company? Or should I just ignore you the same way that you’ve gone away for awhile.
Ahhh....this is always the case on and off then I see you again and we’re back at the beginning. All those ghostly questions come rushing to me. I just look horrifying at them at loss of words.
How do you start living again a new life?
How do you find the courage to go on & find a new horizon?
How do you say goodbye to someone who has touched something deep inside you?
How do you let go of a dear friend & companion in those loneliest moments in your life?
How do you stay strong despite the weakness you’ve constantly felt?
How do you even find time to smile although your heart is crying in vain?
How do you go on when something wants to stay put in the past?
Too many questions I don’t have any answers or clue. I’ve been contemplating most of the times of these feelings & keep on wondering what is it with you that made me feel so deep.
I guess somehow you’ve crept & stuck yourself firmly inside my heart…..just to feel pain later on. But I guess you did exactly that, you tore the wall I had built so hard and just leave it shattered & broken.
I wish I am just dreaming. I wish you are not gone but when I open my eyes each day I know it’s real. I know you are gone and I don’t know if you’ll ever come back. So I guess I will live my life again back to the time I haven’t met you.
What I need now is to be strong in facing my future alone without you, to make my own plans, to focus more on my own dreams and hopefully to forget you totally. It’s really up to you if you intend to keep your promise. But, as for me I’m going to fly away and chase my dreams, and if someday God permits I might just go back the same path, the same road again and perhaps see you there waiting for me.
But, that’s too long to think, too far to imagine so I’ll just live my life fully yet still hoping for love to come and stay.
Above all, I absolutely refuse to compromise my heart and bend to your will. At least not at this time in my life. You're not ready to be my everything. Its time to test the saying.“Adversity is like a strong wind. It tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that we see ourselves as we really are.”

Love is a Choice

Love is often thought of and even defined as a feeling. Frequently, someone who has been married for a long time states they are leaving their spouse because they no longer feel they love them. Others desiring to end relationships use the excuse that they have simply fallen out of love. I considered myself one of them.
I was born into this life by the act of two people who mistakenly confused lust with love. My parents were lost souls, trying to find love based on what it felt like. Their feelings soon faded and I was left with a wounded mother and without my father.
I grew up with a lack of love, feeling empty inside— muddling through life— an oozing hole in my heart. As I matured, I began seeking love outside the home. But without parents to teach me about love, how was I to know? With society demonstrating an example of feelings first, what guidelines were left to follow?
Fortunately for me, at the age of seventeen, I was pointed in the right direction. It was Easter Sunday when I first learned I was loved, indeed. As I listened to the story of a man named Jesus, who gave his life for mine, tears began to stream down my cheeks. Finally, I was able to purge my grieving soul and experience a divine love that only comes from God!
My wounded heart was, at last, filled with hope. I found the answers I’d been seeking. This new awareness exuded feelings of overwhelming glee! I drew closer to God and discovered a peace the Bible refers to as the peace that passes all understanding. It calmed and quieted my soul.
While studying the Bible and attending church, I blossomed. My outlook remained hopeful as I excelled in my pursuit to become an elementary school teacher. But a year later, in the matter of a moment, my dream was shattered. I’d been hit from behind by a speeding car. I awoke in the hospital experiencing horrific pain radiating from my neck to my lower back. I was sent home a week later, injuries braced, alone and unable to care for even my basic needs.
The elation I’d felt spiralled downward as I lay in bed, tears soaking my pillow and my heart trembling with fear! How would I survive the recovery? My disappointment grew deeper when even my mom didn’t come to my aide. How could she stay away when I needed her so much?Someone in the ghostly house where I lived occasionally brought me food, but I was extremely withdrawn, sleeping most of the time. When I was awake, I questioned God. Had he, too, abandoned me?
Around a month after my accident, I received a phone call from someone I knew vaguely from church. He’d noticed that I wasn’t at services lately and wanted to encourage me to return. I told him of my predicament and he offered to come for a visit. I was so desperate for company that I accepted. And then he asked me what I thought was a strange question, “What is your favourite flavour of ice cream?”
Later that day he appeared at my door sporting a jolly smile, a big bag of groceries in hand. He sensed that I was uneasy about accepting the groceries so he proceeded to tell me a tale. “A little old lady followed me around the store filling up my shopping cart. Then she insisted upon paying for the groceries,” he said. I couldn’t help the huge grin that poured across my face. The next thing I knew, this sweet person who clearly had a sense of humour, pulled out a carton of my favourite ice cream—black current.
I began to relax and soon I started telling him my life story. I shared with him the details of the accident, how the doctors predicted a long recovery, and how I had lost my scholarship money as well as my good teaching job. After pouring my heart out, he began to share his faith with me. He pointed me back to a place of hope. “God is still here, you need to lean into and trust in him” he said. I began to realize that love was not about how I felt. It was a decision. I needed to make a choice. At that moment I chose to love God despite my desperate feelings. And God’s blessings began to fill my life. As I forced myself to read God's word and sing his praises, the feelings came back. But first, I had to make the choice.
I learned that this lesson holds true in our every day lives as well, when almost a year later the kind-hearted stranger became my wife. I had recovered nicely from the accident, but still I continued to struggle with the concept of love, making the first several years of our marriage very difficult. I tried to love my wife, but I just didn’t know how. Fortunately for me, she did. She knew what it was to love unconditionally. When things got ugly between us, my first instinct was to leave. This reaction was ingrained. But because I was committed to Christ, I was determined to do the right thing.
In desperation I sought God’s word. I found his definition of love to be very different than what I had observed most of my life. His word says that love is patient, love is kind, and love is long suffering. Love hopes all things, bears all things, and believes all things. I began to pray. And with the strength of the Lord, I was able to deny my feelings of misery and defeat, and continue to work on loving my wife.
As time passed, I realized the benefits of sticking things through. The hurts still came, but love remained. Our relationship grew stronger, and our love, deeper.
My dear wife and I went on to bring two beautiful boys into the world. I was extremely happy with my life. I thoroughly enjoyed being a hands-on dad and was living the life I’d always dreamed of. But this dream, too, was lost. At the age of 28, another tragic accident left me with severe spinal damage. This time I did not recover. I became bed-ridden and remained in severe, relentless pain.
I could no longer care for myself, her or our sons, who were all under the age of eight. It was more than my wife could bear and she wanted to leave me. We both grieved and felt a tremendous sense of loss.After a period of mourning, my hope was restored. Suddenly, I was the one loving her unconditionally without feeling her love in return. It was tormenting watching her withdraw in anger. But I grew in a way that I didn’t think possible. I gained patience as I consoled her until she was able to accept the loss of my health.With time, she lovingly took on the role as caregiver. When later asked why, she said, “The reason I stayed and served you is because of the covenant I made with God on my wedding day. I was committed to doing the right thing.” Wow, what a lady huh?
Our lives are not what we had hoped, but God continues showering us with His grace. I am so glad that both chose to love when the other was ready to give up. We realize that love is not a feeling, it’s an action. Love endures, denies self, and does the right thing when feelings are gone.
We have been married for eighteen years, the latter ten with my failing health. Despite our hardships—possibly because of them—we have a love that is so dynamic, so strong, that it comes shining through even in the worst of times.
Choose to love! Make the right, even though seemingly harder choice, in marriage, as a parent, or even in wounded relationships. Your marriage will thrive, and you will begin to restore the broken places of your heart.God loves each of us unconditionally and desires us to love the unlovely. I felt unlovable most of my life, then became disabled twice and felt even less lovable. But God blessed me with my wife, who loved me anyway. She found value in me, just for who I am, not for what I do. Now I know I am lovable! My heart is whole—and I have an abundance of love to give….just because I chose to love.

Descending into the Deep End of Despair…..Resurfacing for a Fresh Breath of Renewed Hope

I am tired Lord. My body is racked with pain. I’ve been stuck in this bed for two months, and now in addition, I ache to the core with the flu. The battle to fight off these negative thoughts has surpassed my will, and today I gave in.

I find my mind spiralling into the negative; it is a fast descending tunnel that once entered, is a dangerous place to be. How quickly the mind races with thoughts of despair. Where is God? I wonder during these periods. Does he even care about my pain, my loneliness, the isolation? I temporarily begin listening to the enemies shouts in my ear. Nobody cares about you; you are worthless, why even bother? Tears I had managed to contain now poured out with force. Self-pity began to reign. And yet, I felt a tugging at my heart.

I know who it is, but I am a bit upset with Him right now, after all, couldn’t He just heal me and take this burden from me? I resist, arguing in my mind how pointless this all seems. There is so much more I am certain I could be doing for God, if only my body were stronger. The more reasoning I do, the angrier I become. Noticeably I begin to shut down, desiring numbness from feeling anything at all. My family becomes affected, but in my selfishness I excuse myself. More lies enter my thoughts, they don’t understand, how could they? With my mood turning despairingly downcast no one wanted to be in my presence. Who could blame them?

Stuck at home, stuck in bed, and all alone, how is a person able to continue on with this isolation? I have asked friends to visit, and even shared my desperate need for companionship, yet here I lie still, alone and wondering why.

Inwardly I battle to stay positive, to understand that people are just busy." I’ve been thinking about you", they say," I am just swamped with so many things to do”. They go on to explain in detail their numerous obligations. "I understand", I say as I politely hang up the phone. The theme continues as I express my desire for company to a few more people.

Logically I know they care, I am blessed to have kind hearted loving friends, but it is so hard to convince myself that I am not just forgotten. Isolation can distort my perspective. The enemy would have me believe that I am unimportant or not worth spending time with. As the days, weeks, and months go by, it sometimes seems that God, too, has forgotten me.

Do you ever feel this way? Alone, isolated, forgotten? There was a time in my life when I had perfect health, people surrounding me, and yet still I felt this way. What changed all that? He entered my life and I knew I was not alone. He remembered and cared for me. I knew I could do all things with Him.
But this life of chronic pain and continued isolation was not what I had in mind. I must remind myself that it is the same God who rescued me from my sorrow many years ago. Though I may not feel it, He is right by my side.

After a day of this, instead of a tug, I began sensing a strong pull from the Holy Spirit. God gently reveals to me that my heart is not right and that I need to turn toward Him. I know it’s true, but I still don’t feel like it. All I can mutter is” God, I’m sorry, please help me.” My head turns toward the direction of the nightstand, and with a glance I spot my Bhagwad Geeta; it is evident that I need to read it. My eyes roll upward displaying unwillingness, yet finally, like a stubborn child I concede. Inhaling deeply and releasing a passive sigh, I open up the pages.

As I soak in the words they begin to penetrate my soul, drawing me out of the negative trap, and into the truth of God’s loving assurance. My spirit resurfaces with a renewed hope as He reminds me that even in my bed, in this weakening earthly vessel, that I am His workmanship, created in him to do good works. Pondering this thought revived an understanding that He has important things in mind for me, even though I may not be aware of them. His word says that He has prepared this work in advance for us to do.
God knew what direction our lives would take, those of us living with chronic pain, and He has prepared for us a different path it seems. Perhaps our work is to continue shining His light in hurried and hopeless world. Maybe it is to offer a compassionate ear to a friend in need. Even in bed I can pray, write, and encourage others, right?

We must remain steadfast, knowing that no matter how insignificant one may feel at times, that we are all a part of God’s plan! We are his workmanship, and with a yielding heart, God will lead us toward the work that is especially crafted for each one of us. So all we need to do is resurface for a fresh breath of renewed hope...

All I wanted

Rains always remind me that life is always beautiful and it has a zillion things to make life interesting and worth recalling. Its always welcome , just like love.
It was a similar cloudy day a year back.
I sat on the couch of Psyche's apartment flipping through the pages of a magazine that seemed to be over a year old. Psyche had left on a mission with several other journalists and you were left behind because, according to her, I just absolutely had to get some rest. I put the magazine down and sighed to myself."
Psyche seriously needs to update her life." I muttered.
I stood from the couch and walked over to the window. I looked outside and saw the eerie emptiness of the village. It didn't give me a good feeling at all.
I decided to ask why everyone was basically gone. Regardless of whether or not, she was hiding things from me. She was in the Mission now...She would probably know what's going on. I slipped in my shoes and left the apartment. As I walked down the empty path of the village, no thoughts even came close to my mind, just sheer blankness. I couldn't shake off the feeling that something terrible was going to happen...or already did.
I stood in front of the enormous tower that held the office of the Mission. I sighed before I was ready to walk in the building for the first time since I had left the village eights years ago. It seems anytime you go into that building there is only bad news to be heard. I only hoped that history wouldn't repeat itself...I finally entered and took in a whole new atmosphere than that of the village. There were medical ninjas running about the halls panicking. Some paced up and down the corridors nearly knocking me over as I observed their movements in a daze.
* What's going on? *
I stood there alone, still pondering. I never thought that there would be so much going on that I didn't even know about it. The appearance of the village gave off serenity and happiness, but in these halls there was nothing but chaos. A stretcher zoomed by you straight to the critical care room, you did your best to see who it was carrying, but you had no success. Soon a few more stretchers came through after. My eyes widened a bit when they caught glimpse of the victims.
* They are just kids! *
“What the hell kind of assignment were they sent on?" I whispered to thin air “It looks like a suicide mission..." "Actually it was a rescue mission." Someone mumbled from behind.I turned around quickly and came face to face with Eros. His eyes glistened dully; you could tell he was close to tears. It was obvious that something had gone terribly wrong...but what?
“What happened here Eros?"
He closed his eyes tightly to keep in his tears. He tried to clear his throat, but his voice still cracked."I was assigned to be the leader of a retrieval mission." His words were barely audible.
"For whom?" I question urgently.
" Archimedes..."
"What? Why would he need to be retrieved?" People stared as me as I nearly blew Eros away, "What happened?"
"He left with Zeus..."
My hands dropped from their twiddling position to my sides. My body began to shake, all of my fears from your past come rushing back once again. My face clearly showed fear, but I still needed to know what was going on so I tried to regain my voice and continue.
"I don't understand..." I spoke shakily, "Why would he do that?"
"We weren't really sure, I was only told to make a team of commandos"
"OF COMMANDOS!?!?" I cut him off abruptly, "This does not seem like the type of mission that only commandos would be put on!!!"
* What the hell was Eros thinking *
"There were no journalists available at the time and very few commandos as well." He tried to stay as levelheaded as possible, "I could only bring Neo, Kiro, Cupid and Natara with me..."
I recalled the stretchers that passed me by in the hall...There were only three...
"Someone's still missing..."
"Yeah...Natara is still out there chasing Archimedes." He looked down towards the ground as he uttered those words. One tear rolled down his face, he was hurt so badly and even if I could've comforted him I was too much of a wreck myself to do any good. I stopped breathing when I heard Natara's name.
Without thinking I turned and ran outside. I tried to run faster and faster down the road. I stopped as I saw shadowy figures of people running into the village...I saw them...Cupid was holding Natara on his back followed by several medical ninja, all of whom were trying to examine Natara. I sighed in relief that he made it back in one piece, but I was still upset that I wasn't the one who could help him. Once again it seemed like in this small village there was not even one person who needed me to be there for them. I let them pass by me without saying a word. Cupid quickly glanced back, but I wouldn't have paid attention if he called for me anyway... I followed after them shortly afterwards, just to keep an eye on Natara.
I had bonded with him in such a little time and right then and there his safety was the most important thing.Natara!!!>>> 2 hours later >>>I rushed into the hospital quarters and headed straight to the room that Natara was assigned. I wasn't going to stop for anything else. For the last two hours I had been worried out of your mind for that little stupid. I wondered what was taking them so long to get him settled if he wasn't in that bad shape. I nearly threatened a couple of medical ninja in the process, while gaining a few terrified stares at the same time. I entered into his room finally and sighed as I saw him sleeping soundly wrapped up in bandages from head to toe.
I walked up to his bedside and stared down at him for a moment. I brushed a piece of blonde hair away from him and smiled.
"Natara...I have no idea how someone could be so brave and so stupid at the same time." I sighed.
"If you ask me, he's a lot like you..."I didn't bother to turn around.
I already knew who it was and to be honest I didn't want him to see the tint of pink that lined your cheeks at the moment.
"How long have you been standing there Cupid?" I barely managed to blurt out without stuttering.
"The entire time..." Cupid sighed. " You certainly have got attached to him, haven't you?"
"Yeah..." I smiled down at Natara.
“How could I not? I see so many qualities in him that I wish I had myself. He just makes me realize that there are still good people in the world."
I heard Cupid 's footsteps get closer to me and I unconsciously held my breath until he stood right beside me.
"Natara tends to have a lasting effect on people. He still amazes me to this day. Sometimes I think he is stronger than me."
" He probably is..." I smirked at Cupid.I could tell he was smiling back from underneath his mask.
Just then a nurse came into the room.
"Excuse me Ma’m, visiting hours are over. You and your husband have to leave." The nurse spoke while smiling politely.
I choked on air suddenly while blushing furiously.
" Ummm uhhh I no - I mean he's not- NO!" I nearly died from lack of air while sputtering.
The nurse looked concerned, "Ma’m are you okay?"
Cupid tried to hold in his laughter as I continued on sputtering frantically. The nurse just stared at me wide-eyed until Cupid finally spoke up still chuckling a bit.
"She's fine...Come on honey let's go home." He laughed.
"Honey?!?!?!"
Cupid practically dragged me out of the room as I followed behind him wide-eyed. As I finally exited the building I snapped back to my senses.
"She just thought we were married! O.O" I shouted still shocked completely. Cupid laughed almost hysterically. I stared at him weirdly; he wasn't one to really laugh at all let alone in public.
"What's so funny!?!?" I said ticked off.
"You..." Cupid gasped for air, "You should have seen your face."He continued laughing almost running out of air. I scoffed and muttered under my breath.
I rolled my eyes, "It wasn't that funny..."
"Sure it wasn't" He mocked.
I exchanged a quick glance and everything became silent. A still awkwardness filled the air.
"Well..." I looked away.
Cupid began to walk away but then called back to me, "Are you hungry?"
"Huh?"
"Let's get some Pasta." He told me more than asked.
"Ok I guess..." I muttered.
I walked along side Cupid a little confused. Since I got back I hadn't really spent any time with him...alone. I opened my mouth to say something, but before I could I heard the sound of thunder and rain began pouring down.
"So much for Pasta..." He sighed a bit disappointed."Come on let's hurry up...." He looked up to the sky, "We have to get to my apartment before it gets any worse..."
I was in no hurry. I could smell the mixed fragrance of wet rock, crushed grass and soaked earth. The windows couldn't be closed because of the strong wind. Droplets of water were on my books. My anger has been gone since it started raining.
"Shall we walk to the bus stop? I love the strong wind."
"I know you actually enjoy walking in the rain." Cupid smiled and held me close.
I felt afraid and helpless without reason. Would he hug me right now? I am afraid that it will turn into a burning desire or a demand of the moment.
Cupid grabbed my arm and began dragging me towards his apartment. I blushed slightly as his hand gripped mine tightly, but I continued following him regardless of how red I turned.....

Life's Eternal Flow.....

Life does not measure riches

For it has no eyes to see

Life's a flow

A neutral tide

Absolutely free.

Life does not measure poverty

For it never takes a side

And what is there

Mankind must bear

For his greed

Has caused divide.

Life does not measure war

Neutral, still it stands

As mankind reaps and plunders

And kills his fellow man

Then calls it victory

Raises flags

To convince the victims

It commands.

Life does not mourn death

Nor celebrate a birth

Its eternal flow

The timeless

Is what breaths

Through Mother Earth.

Life does not know victory

Nor failure can it fathom

It's always been

The Now

Not dependant

On Eve or Adam.

Life does not know duty

It's not governed by a rule

It's not affected by emotion

Mankinds

The only fool.

So wake

And join the timeless

The never-ending flow

Stop

Be still

Listen

Life's eternal flow.

THE SANDS OF TIME....

The sands of time will shift
All you ever see.
But can never disturb the essence
The beauty that is me.
The sands of time will change
Every single face
Yet the truth behind it all
It never can erase.
The sands of time will shift
All mountains you perceive
All sorrow carried from the past
In the present as you grieve.
The sands of time will heal
Every festered grudge you hold
For the body will discharge it
When on the Truth you're sold.
The sands of time are constant
When worry takes your grip
Constantly reminding you
To let go your sinking ship.
The sands of time keep nagging
When doubt becomes tormentor
Begging to go within
Be present in the centre.
The sands of time keep raging
When anger wields its sword
As peace awaits for your return
Stillness your reward.
The sands of time hold judgement
As guilt becomes your foe
Asking to love what is
Through forgiveness its lets go.
The sands of time hold hardship
Believing life is tough
Illusion covers truth
And so you think there's not enough.
The sands of time don't waiver
Rigidly they see a way
Where strife and worry beckon
So they have the last word to say.
The sands of time keep breathing
Masks we wear, as a decoy
As we perceive the worlds not safe
And so it covers the inner joy.
The sands of time are not the enemy
They are experiences you must live
Grow through and relinquish
So in truth its LOVE you give.

Walking in a monsoon wonderland

With the hassles of monsoon-living, it's easy to take for granted the beautiful little things that one can really only enjoy in this otherwise disconsolate season.

I would oftentimes find myself smiling, filled with happiness walking along the foot trail in lonely water clogged streets. An early morning drizzle or shower magically turns these places into a winter wonderland. I would find myself wishing I had a fancy camera to capture the moment so I could re-visit it every time monsoon's short grey days seem to get the best of me. But I don't have a fancy camera and I don't carry my old cell around anymore - it used to be somewhat of a mainstay in my purse.

Today morning I was walking by the lane, where tall trees lined the sidewalks and fresh flowers sat snugly in huge grey urns. Little blue lights were wrapped closely and tightly on the tree trunks and branches, and they illuminated the entire side-walk with their cheerful yet mellow light-blue glow. I've walked by that street several times before and I am just as happy now as I was the first time.

Today, my lane adventure was even more special because of a nice evening surprise - a gentle rainfall. The wind was not blowing angrily like usual, in fact I hardly noticed if it was even there at all. The rain drops fell slowly, gently, vertically - like it would in your favourite fairy tale. I've always felt that cosy, cheerful feeling watching rain fall like that.

Writing this post also reminded me of that wonderful chilly morning we had a few months back. There was frost everywhere and in the early morning it looked like the trees were covered with silver glitters. Later that day, it looked even more beautiful, as though the trees made of glowing, little glass pieces. Simply wonderful...

Thinking about it more, I think I would not take a picture after all - it simply won't do the experience justice. Luckily the human brain has enough synapses to store 10^15 bits - I think I'll use some of them to save those 3 beautiful squirrels visiting my home...

However...whoever said that sunshine brings happiness, must have never danced in rain.....

Hope

There is Death,

Yet we all Live
Because there is a Hope
A Hope that there is a Life
Before we die.

There are Tears,
Yet we smile
Because there is a Hope
A Hope that we can laugh
Before we Cry.

At the end of every line
A Full Stop can be seen,
But it’s the Hope that tells that
Somewhere a new paragraph
Is about to begin.

If there wouldn’t had been Hope,
After every Dusk
There wouldn’t had been
A new Dawn.

It there wouldn’t had been Hope,
In the Battle of Chess
The mighty King wouldn’t had been Checkmate
By a simple Pawn.

From the clouds of despair
peeped a happy ray
showing this earth
a happy day.

From the night full of
worries & sorrow
Announcing the world
a better tomorrow.

The birds of hope
though they may be few
chirping for me
and chirping for you.

Amidst the thorns of reality
bloomed the roses of desire
Amidst the pool of agony
grew the lotus' of admire.

In the dawn of opportunities
the world wide awake
leaves of fortune, scattered
today they rake.

Fate can be fought,
So is the strife,
Because there is a Hope
A Hope, called Life....

She knows

her hands

cool silk

cupping his warmest thoughts

in their deepest recesses.

gone now

by decades,

but those cool hands

part time

sink inside

the folds of his mind.

a silver spoon

stirring the moon

into his coffee,

lifting velvet kisses

to his lips.
she knows

he thinks of her

even now.

wraps her

cool silk hands

around a

warm china cup,

purses velvet lips

gently blows

steam from her coffee.

she smiles as

vaporous lovers

swirl and dance.

she knows

and drinks him in.

Over a Cup of Coffee

You tell me you don’t love me over a cup of coffee
And I just have to look away
A million miles between us
Planets crashing to dust
I just let it fade away

I’m walking empty streets hoping we might meet
I see your car parked on the road
The light on at your window
I know for sure that you’re home
But I just have to pass on by

So no of course we can’t be friends
Not while I’m still this obsessed
I guess I always knew the score
This is how our story ends

I smoke your brand of cigarettes
And pray that you might give me a call
I lie around in bed all day just staring at the walls
Hanging round bars at night wishing I had never been born
Cupping your warmest thoughts in their deepest recesses.
So no of course we can’t be friends
Not while I still feel like this
I guess I always knew the score
This is where our story ends

You left behind some clothes
Two friends together in stolen moments sharing soul, heart, life
And even still, meshing together bonded by each cup.
My friends all say they’re worried
I’m looking far too skinny
I’ve stopped returning all their calls

And no of course we can’t be friends
Not while I’m still so obsessed
I want to ask where I went wrong
But don’t say anything at all

So much more than flavour, roast or blend...A way of life.
I realize again that I am blessed.

To share this cup with such a friend,

It took a cup of coffee

To prove that you don’t love me...

That's all

I can only give you love that lasts forever.
And a promise to be near each time you call.
And the only heart I own
For you and you alone
That's all,
That's all...

I can only give you country walks in springtime
And a hand to hold when leaves begin to fall;
And a love whose burning light
Will warm the winter's night
That's all,
That's all...

There are those I am sure who have told you,
They would give you the world and all its joy.
All I have are these arms to enfold you,
And a love time can never destroy.

That's all,

That's all...

If you're wondering what I'm asking in return, dear,
You'll be glad to know that my demands are small.
Say it's me that you'll adore,
For now and evermore
That's all,
That's all...

If you're wondering what I'm asking in return, dear,
You'll be glad to know that my demands are small.
Say it's me that you'll adore,
For now and evermore.
That's all,
That's all.

Answering the questions…..

What is life? A question or an answer to a question? To those who believe in reincarnation, perhaps the latter, for one would come back to experience life only if one has found something wanting in one’s previous life/lives. And in truth, what indeed is life all about?

Is it the sweet feeling of togetherness and bonding with one’s loved ones, the warmth of love and affection, feeling secure in the arms of the one you care for the most and in turn holding him/her in your arms, or is it something else? Is life about grief, about the salty tears that splash down when it hurts, the sudden choked voice when one wants to cry out and no voice comes out? Is it about deception, about not being what the world sees you to do, about wearing different masks for different people, and never knowing who one really is? Or is it about just living life, one moment at a time, one breath, one heartbeat at a time?

For me, and I truly believe in this, life is a medley of all this and much more. To be happy without ever having experienced grief is to never truly realize the value of that joy, of that bliss. On the other hand, to have always been in the downs, to never have felt the warmth of affection, would make one so very pessimistic and so very dead. Can one truly appreciate the value of trust and belief when one has never been betrayed? So to enjoy a positive, one must suffer a negative, if just for a brief moment.

Sometimes, life must be lived alone, without anyone beside you. You could be surrounded by countless people, and yet be alone in your solitude. You don’t need books, or music, or someone special to lose yourself.
Just think of yourself as a raindrop, released from the dark, grey clouds. This drop is destined to reach the ground and then be consumed by the parched earth, and yet it never thinks, or rather it cannot think of ever stopping its descent, of ever turning back towards whence it came. It is surrounded by its brethren, so many like itself, and yet it falls alone. It can only see itself in them, a pale reflection of its soul in their eyes. There is a spot on the earth given to it to fall upon, a soul to enliven, and a heart to bring joy to.
Be like that raindrop; do what you must, bring joy to all whom you can, and leave the rest to the Fates. They will not betray your trust in them.

What is life? Grains of sand, slowly but steadily, slipping from our grasp until such time that our hands would be left empty to show us that our time on this earth is over? Or the tranquil flow of the waters of a river, coursing towards some faraway ocean, never bothering to turn back and look at what she leaves behind? Is it the soft light of the moon, resplendent and glorious in all her beauty?

Perhaps we are living in an illusion, from which we do not wish to wake up. We wish to deny ourselves the realization that we are really dreaming, and all that we believe to be true will just vanish when our eyes open. There are so many things that we believe ourselves to have lost, scarcely realizing that it is hardly possible to lose something that one never had in the first place. Love, affection, and time are not things that one can ever hold back. And yet, we say that we lost them, due to either our negligence or our apathy, as the case may be. Maybe we lose the opportunity to do things our way, but regrets are all that remain.

Those few who read this blog on a somewhat regular basis would be puzzled as to why I have chosen this topic. I know not. Call me possessed, or disturbed, but when the heart commands, the mind must bow to its diktats.

I wait............

Once in a while, we await some things more than anything ever imaginable. Sometimes, we just want time to pass ever so fast so that we may encounter some distant joy, which we may finally come to enjoy what we most wish to happen.

There are many things that I await. I await the onset of the monsoon, with the sweet smell of the earth with the first showers, with the cold breezes that blow in from the sea, and the cuppa of hot coffee that I can enjoy sitting in my veranda. I wait for the summer for all the ice-creams and cold stuff that I can partake of, for all the mangoes that I get to relish, for the family vacation to distant places. I await the autumn, for Diwali, for fireworks, for goodies and sweets and all other savouries, for the softly cooling down of the air, for the mildly musty smell of last year’s woollens. And I await the winter, for the coldness in the air, the warmth of my blanket, the sweet slumber of the night, and the celebration of the Year. I await the beginning of the month for the chance to go to the local book store and buy the month’s supply of books.

I would await my results when in school and college, wanting to know whether I did as bad as I thought, or by some miracle, I had managed to pass. I would await the beginning of a new semester, for the chance to meet up with friends, to rejuvenate slumbering acquaintances, to realize how much we care for each other. (Even now I await Mondays more than Fridays. I am no workaholic; just that I miss my friends over the weekends.)

What do you wait for?

In love with me...............

If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.
If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.
Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever! Now our knowledge is partial and incomplete, and even the gift of prophecy reveals only part of the whole picture! But when full understanding comes, these partial things will become useless.
When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. But then, all that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely…….some day, just as God now knows me completely. Now we see things imperfectly as in a cloudy mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity.
Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.

This is kind of hard for me to say, but I must do what I think is best for my peace of mind but mostly for my heart. I like you alot. You know that, or at least you should. It's just.....I can't do this anymore.Today I woke up with the realization that it's truely possible - you and I, we are forever to be. I need someone who can be open and honest; someone who isn't afraid of confrontation, someone who can tell me how I feel. You're ready to be my everything.

If...........

If you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

But make allowance for their doubting too:

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,

Or being hated don't give way to hating,

And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream -- and not make dreams your master;

If you can think -- and not make thoughts your aim,

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

And treat those two impostors just the same:

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings,

And never breathe a word about your loss:

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

Or walk with Kings -- nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

If all men count with you, but none too much:

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,

Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,

And -- which is more -- you'll be a Man, my son!

Without You........

I looked up at the sky tonight
And saw something missing
It was that rare, yet always there, twinkle
Of a lone Northern star....

We share the same sky, you and I
The same moon lights our path
The same dusk set on us today
And dawn will bring us the clouds.

Yet the miles keep rolling
The sea waves on shores lolling
The childrens laughter fades on
As the old men are dying.

Broken hearts still crumbling
Dreams still being dashed
Beliefs still being stolen
Dying memories fade.

Without you, my heart thunders
Loudly, it protests my feelings
I yearn, I pace, I hunger
For that emptiness to fade.

Without you, the skies cry
The sun refuses to shine
Takes me back to a different time
A time I wanted to die.
Without you....

Recipe For Friendship

Ingredients

2 heaping measures of trust

2 well rounded scoops of respect

2 generous portions of affection

2 equal amounts of sharing

Method

Fold two hands together

And express a dash of sorrow

Marinate it overnight

And work on it tomorrow

Chop grudges in tiny pieces

Add several cups of love

Dredge with a large sized smile

Mix with the ingredients above

Dissolve the hate within you

By doing a good deed

Cut in and help your friend

If he should be in need

Stir in laughter, love, and kindness

From the heart it has to come

Toss with genuine forgiveness

And give your neighbor some

Add dash of humor and a pinch of warm personality.

Season to taste with spice of life.

Serve in individual moulds

to the whole wide world, if you really want it to....

. . . THE MOMENT . . .

In the moment that I saw your face,

Somehow my heart just knew;

That I would spend a lifetime,

Filled with loving you.

In the moment that you touched me,

As you pulled me to your side;

Your arm slipped 'round my shoulder,

My heart no place to hide.

In the moment that I touched you,

Felt your heart beat 'neath my hand;

The look I saw there in your eyes,

Spoke a language I understand.

The moment that you held me,

Is somehow frozen there in time;

A place of sweet contentment,

Engraved in this heart of mine.

In that moment when I felt your heart,

Gently dancing with my soul;

I knew in that one moment,

That you had made me whole.

Each tiny sparkling moment,

Sweet memories of you;

Fill my heart with contentment,

For somehow my heart just knew.

Walking all alone.....

There were times when days just went by,

Lonely winds swept the earth dry,

Raging sun beamed with all its fury,

was walking alone tired and weary.

And then, you walked into my life,

I wondered why would you be so nice,

must be a dream that won't last long,

Never thought that I could be wrong.

Your simple smile and eyes so bright,

couldn't resist you with all my might,

slowly but surely our friendship grew,

you taught me things I never knew.

I achieved things, I thought I never can,

your criticism enlightened my soul,

your soft words gave the healing touch,

whenever life seemed to be just too much.

Struggling and fighting I went on,

knowing its you I could depend on,

And then Suddenly like magic you were gone,

I was left all alone,

all my dreams shattered and torn,

vows and promises all forgone.

I asked myself, where did I go wrong,

Things were supposed to be that way I guess,

It was I who started all the mess,

may you find happiness and joy, god bless,

For I would keep walking alone,

cherishing the sweet moments bygone...

Someday....

"Someday"...she softly whispered,

Then tucked away her dreams;

Leaving them under her pillow,

Like fragile lacy things.

Left to rest there for the day,

While she goes to face the world;

Nestled sweetly in her bed,

Like angel wings unfurled.

"Someday when the time is right"...

She whispers with a smile;

"I'll unwrap all my pretty dreams,

But not yet for a while."

"I'll leave them wrapped in ribbon,

Pale pink roses --- bits of lace;

I'll keep them where no one can see,

His handsome, smiling face."

"Someday"...she whispers in the night

"I'll unwrap those dreams so dear;

For now I'll keep them in my heart,

Till I can hold him near."

Unbiased

"Power has not corrupted me. And neither has the humdrum of the daily home-office-home been able to quench my hunger and thirst of knowledge, love and most importantly 'LIFE'. I have not become jaded. I remain unprejudiced to what comes my way. I wake up every day well aware of my good fortune, loving the work I do, loving my life, thanking the impalpable supernatural power, realizing that life is a crapshoot and I'm on a roll second to none."

An Angel's Lullaby

Sleep so sweetly slumbering babe,

Nestled snug and warm;

For the Father sends His angels,

To keep you safe and warm.

A bundle fresh from Heaven,

Without an earthly care;

Sleeping there in innocence,

Angels hover in the air.

They whisper to you sweet dreams,

They sing a lullaby;

An angel's song to soothe you,

To quiet you when you cry.

A song of peaceful harmony,

Caressing you as you sleep;

Words drift 'round your tiny head,

While angel's guard and keep.

Sleep so sweetly slumbering babe',

While time goes gently by;

Your angels watch and sing to you,

An angel's lullaby....

Break Free

Stuck inside inside this shell

I long to break out

Away from all this mundane life

I wish to break free of this boring routine...

Materialistic ambitions galore

Swimming against a tide (that we call life)

Fast at times

Slow at another

Stuck once in a while

I lay buried under a sea of desires

Meaningless most of the time

Necessity once in a while

Clueless for the rest

I wait...

Like a shadow in the night

Like a fly around a light

Like a rebel wanting to break free

I wait...

I am tired

Trying to make sense of this humdrum existence

Life is now a high speed car race

Drive fast to stay with the pack

Drive slow and be left behind

Its all happening too fast...

Living in a circus

Walking a tightrope everyday

Smiling to one and all

Juggling everything that is thrown

Another day, another act

Another mindless journey....

Putting on a brave face

Wearing a new make-up each time

On and on, does anybody know what we are living for?

Outside the day has dawned

But inside in the dark

I want to break free...