I am different

You look at me with derision

mock my life decision

judging me, you know better

I am lost, you are clever

I am different,

I am wrong,

I whistle a different tune

I sing another song

I dance to another beat

I don’t cross your street.

I am different.

I shame you with my style

you see me; you walk a mile

you talk behind my back

my actions you attack.

I hurt you, I brought you shame

I am the one to blame

because I am not the same.

I am different.

You said jump, I didn’t ask how high

You spoke, I asked why

You preached, I taught myself

You hid, I found the book on a dusty shelf.

You pretended, I came outright

you hid behind your garb, I carried my pride

while you laughed, I cried.

I am different.

You pretended,

I saw the truth

it all ended.

I choose to be different.

I pave my way

I carve my destiny

I choose my surroundings

you are my history.

You laugh because I’m different.

I laugh because you are all the same…..

I am.........the result of my thoughts

I am the result of my thoughts....

Infusing within a heart of steel

I wonder about the ever illusive questions

Which seek to be mended by answers

I hear the power of words

Entangling with life

I want the world

For nothing is impossible

I am simply the result of my thoughts.....

I pretend like words don't faze me

Yet they linger withinI feel utter confusion

At those intangible questions of life

I tough the lives of loved ones

With the grace of simplicity

I worry for nothing

Life should not be feared

I am the result of my thoughts.....

I understand nearly nothing

And nothing understands me

I say what I mean

And mean what I say

I dream of things once thought impossible

Unrealistic dreams of understanding

I try my best

But my best is not how hard I try

I hope for better days

When all the world can really smile

I am the result of these thoughts....

Humpty Dumpty

I am so lost. I am so jaded, and overwhelmed by so many things in life - harsh, cruel, realism - that I can barely get my head together to write a decent piece.... It's all up here, in this brick of a head of mine...

So much has been going on, so much real shit - stuff that is life or death. No "ands" - just "or's", no ''if's'' and no ''buts''.

I see people I love desecrate their life wanting an end. It is painful to watch - is it my own behaviour haunting me. Things are fine, we all function well - however the underlying heartbeat of daily existence falters.

As I grow older (seemingly too fast), the mundane slowly drifts into oblivion, and I cannot identify the frivolous as something to acknowledge. Is this what happens? A slow painful death as one peaks to adulthood?

It is not my pain , it is your pain - causing me tremendous pain. Funny, my own experience of excruciating memories seemed to have begun to fade, and wounds are freshly re-opened. Suddenly I see, with a different shade of lens a new aspect of life. The days of sweet surrender are gone. The counting of months of sobriety seems to lose its fervor as I begin to count for people I love. I hold my breath every day as I count each moment for them. As I count each prayer for them to hold on and stay alive. To hold on until their fingernails bleed and realize that the pain from that is not as consequential as the seemingly easier way out.

I don't want children to be orphans. I'm tired of talking about people who were living and laughing with me and are now gone, gone to the heavens. I'm drained as I embrace life with a new love. I tremble as I realize what I had to see and feel and know before I thought like that. I fear for you; down on my knees, screaming inside, hoping you don't have to do the same. See the ugliness in life before you surrender and allow yourself a chance.

All that remains are shattered peices of fragile glass not to be stepped on. The peices that can never be un-broken. Has Humpty Dumpty not taught us a bitter lesson?

Vampire......

This darkness is a shadowed curse, the base of all your fears.
Though I would not change what I am, I’ve lived this way for years.
Every night another life arrested in my arms,
Can’t you hear it?
Can't you see it?
Are you drawn into my charms?
I bend your will to make you mine; you share your life with me.
It is the blood flowing through my soul that makes me truly me.
For centuries long I have been feared, the dark and deadly beast,
Every night is another search for my deadly sinner's feast.
As for the power which I speak, I never truly can retire.
You've heard my tale, I’ve told the truth, I am the truth, VAMPIRE.

Dare To Dream

Let nothing hold you back from

exploring your wildest fantasies,

wishes, and aspirations.

Don't be afraid to dream big

and to follow your dreams

wherever they may lead you.

Open your eyes to their beauty;

open your mind to their magic;

open your heart to their possibilities.

Dare to dream.

Whether they are in color

or in black and white,

whether they are big or small,

easily attainable or almost impossible,

look to your dreams,

and make them become reality.

Wishes and hopes are nothing

until you take the first step

towards making them something!

Dare to dream,

Because only by dreaming,

will you ever discover

who you are, what you want,

and what you can do.

Don't be afraid to take risks,

to become involved,to make commitment.

Do whatever it takes to make

your dreams come true.

Always believe in miracles,

and always believe in you!

********* A Creed To Live By *********

Don't undermine your worth by comparing

yourself with others.

It is because we are different that each of us is special.

Don't set your goals by what other people

deem important.

Only you know what is best for you.

Don't take for granted the things closest to your heart.

Cling to them as you would your life, for without them

life is meaningless.

Don't let your life slip through your fingers

by living in the past or for the future.

By living your life one day at a time,

you live all the days of your life.

Don't give up when you still have something to give.

Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.

Don't be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect.

It is this fragile thread that binds us to each other.

Don't be afraid to encounter risks.

It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.

Don't shut love out of your life by saying it's impossible to find.

The quickest way to receive love is to give love.

The fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly;

and the best way to keep love is to give it wings.

Don't dismiss your dreams.

To be without dreams is to be without hope;

to be without hope is to be without purpose.

Don't run through life so fast that you forget

not only where you've been, but also where you're going.

Life is not a race, but a journey to be savoured

each step of the way.

Yet.........I'll Rise Again

And here I stand again ~
atop a precipice;
the climb was long and hard,
I expected freedom and exhilaration.
Below me now ~
I reflect upon the path I made,
through rocks and weeds and thorns,
to reach this shocking elevation.

Beyond ~ as far as I can see ~
are endless peaks and valleys,
without a bridge to take me
to the next unconquered crest;
Behind ~ the course is worn and clear ~
and I feel the torment
of the struggle up the palisades,
alive and pounding in my breast.

This mountain top seems barren ~
where are all the flower fields,
the butterflies and playing children ~
the long awaited celebration?
Instead, I see a cold
and hardened cliff,
with remnants of an icy waterfall
made colder by my own exasperation.

As I seek protected shelter
on this isolated pinnacle,
I cannot find content
to let my weary heart take rest;
Who am I now
without the cloak of innocence?
There are no answers in the cooling ashes
scattered on this crest.

I long to hasten back,
descend the path I've climbed,
and rest along the side
in soothing meadows I have passed;
But, no return to where I've been,
or way to close my eyes ~
for comfort ~ as I stand confused
atop this brief relapse.

I'll stay awhile ~ to gather energy
and wake the dormant rays of laughter
that still echo deep
within the canyons of my mind,
As I cast away
the haunting memories
and longings to repaint the simple images
of the past I've left behind.

When sunlight hits the ice
and blinds my darkness,
and rainbows dance in crystal prisms,
I'll find the strength to mend;
Then I'll rise again,
weightless and renewed,
not at all afraid to step beyond this cliff
and drop ~ to float upon the wind.

Reaching Your Dream Takes Courage

Courage is admitting that you're afraid and facing that fear directly.

It's being strong enough to ask for help and humble enough to accept it.

Courage is standing up for what you believe in without worrying about the opinions of others.

It's following your own heart, living your own life,

and settling for nothing less than the best for yourself.

Courage is daring to take a first step, a big leap, or a different path.

It's attempting to do something that no one has done before

and all others thought impossible.

Courage is keeping heart in the face of disappointment

and looking at defeat not as an end but as a new beginning.

It's believing that things will ultimately get better even as they get worse.

Courage is being responsible for your own actions

and admitting your own mistakes without placing blame on others.

It's relying not on others for your success,

but on your own skills and efforts.

Courage is refusing to quit even when you're intimidated by impossibility.

It's choosing a goal, sticking with it, and finding solutions to the problems.

Courage is thinking big, aiming high, and shooting far.

It's taking a dream and doing anything,

risking everything,

and stopping at nothing to it make it a reality.

You Can Be Whatever You Want To Be!

There is inside YOU

all of the potential

to be whatever you want to be,

all of the energy

to do whatever you want to do.

Imagine yourself as you would like to be,

doing what you want to do,

and each day,

take one step

towards your dream.

And though at times it may seem too

difficult to continue,

hold on to your dream.

No one can know the potential,

Of a life that is committed to win;

With courage - the challenge it faces,

To achieve great success in the end!

We must have VISION TO SEE our potential,

And FAITH TO BELIEVE that we can;

Then COURAGE TO ACT with conviction,

To become what GOD MEANT us to be!

When no one else is with you,

and no one seems to care,

just whisper to yourself,

"I am the controller of my destiny.

It's up to me what comes to pass,

and if I keep my thoughts positive and strong,

my dreams will come true."

One morning you will awake to find

that you are the person you dreamt of,

doing what you wanted to do,

simply because you had the COURAGE

to BELIEVE in your potential

and to HOLD on to your dream.

. . . UNCONDITIONAL LOVE . . .

A treasure to be cherished,

A gift from God above;

Is the beauty of a friendship,

Touched by unconditional love.

A love that asks no questions,

Believes in all the best;

Never doubting, ever trusting,

Withstanding any test.

A love that weathers any storm,

And yet that love still stands;

Through the very darkest hour,

It still reaches out a hand.

There in that hand the sweetest gift,

That you can give a friend;

A heart that cares, a love that shares,

That will be there till the end.

A treasure to be cherished,

A gift from God above;

Is what I share with you my friend,

An unconditional love.

Just forget…..

That's what the girl said to me yesterday.
Forget how he made you smile without saying a word.
Forget how he pulled you close so you'd feel protected at night.
Forget how he would call and say I love you and hang up and do it again.
Forget how he took your hand and promised he'd never break your heart.
Forget how he surprised you with a dozen roses and the last one never dies.
Forget how he smells like the first time you ever met.
Forget how he walks really slowly to catch you thinking of him.
Forget how he talks and the way his voice sounds on the phone.
Forget how his simple words in a text made you get butterflies.
Forget how many nights you cried yourself to sleep thinking he's your life.
Forget how he never did anything right, but it was always perfect.
Forget how he called you beautiful and not fine as hell.
Forget how he never leaves your mind and how he's still in your heart.
Forget how everything that girl said was staring back at you, telling you to move on.
Just forget....she said.
But how shall I console myself that he really has....

. . . BUT YET . . .

I wonder how my life would be,

If we had never met;

How would it have been different,

I wonder still, but yet....

I know it wouldn't be as rich,

As you have made it be;

And there would be an empty place,

In the very heart of me.

I would go through my life wondering,

What caused this place in my heart;

To always feel so empty,

Not knowing you played a part.

Like a missing piece of the puzzle,

In a mystery, the clue;

Not knowing that the empty space,

Could only be filled by you.

And if I passed you on the street,

If we had never met;

Would I have seen you differently,

I wonder still, but yet....

Even though you would be,

But a stranger standing there;

I know my heart would recognize,

Your eyes and sun kissed hair.

Something deep within my heart,

Way back within my soul;

Would know you were the missing part,

Come to make this heart whole.

I know if your eyes met my gaze,

You too would recognize;

The clue to our life's mystery,

Within this woman's eyes.

I wonder how our lives would be,

If we had never met;

Would your heart have an empty space,

I wonder still, but yet....

What would you call it?

When I see you
I think twice about what I should say to you
But my mind is close
Because knowing you, you won‘t even care

Am I not good enough for you
Are you to shy to talk to me in front of people
Are you judging me by the way I act
Or by who you think I am

I hate it when you are never around
Then again I hate it when you are around
What do you want me to do with myself
I try, but to you I never suceed

Are you trying to make me lose my mind
Trying to make me feel down where ever I go
Filling me with self–doubt
Letting people know who I‘m not

If time could stand still, I would freeze it here
So you could know that I‘m near
But there‘s no way you could ever beat me
Cause I‘m not giving up on love, Love is within me

THE COLOR OF LOVE

I see the beauty of the rose,
Its fragrance fills the air;
But as I see your beauty,
The rose does not compare.

For when I see the white rose,
Like a touch of paradise;
It is only a reflection,
Of the innocence in your eyes.

And there within the pink rose,
A softness does impart;
Just like the kiss of morning dew,
And the tenderness of your heart.

I slowly turn the yellow rose,
Gaze on it for awhile,
And see the glittering brilliance,
In the sunshine of your smile.

And when I see the rose of red,
Look deep inside the bloom;
It holds a touch of tender love,
Like a beautiful sweet perfume.

I see the beauty of the rose,
Its fragrance fills the air;
I hear your laughter, see your face,
And the rose does not compare.

LONELY NIGHTS

Staring into the darkness,
As sleep escapes once more.
I climb out of my lonely bed,
And silently pace the floor.
Trying not to think of you,
But it happens every time.
Just when I try to forget for a while,
You go drifting across my mind.

The thoughts of you are never far,
Your memory lingers there.
In every song I hear your name,
Your face is everywhere.
The sound of your voice rings in my ears,
I feel the touch of your hand.
I feel you pulling me close in your arms,
I'm trying to understand.

How did I come to love you so?
How can I make this love die?
I just can't do the impossible,
I don't even want to try.
So I crawl back into my lonely bed,
And wipe away my tears.
I look back on the happy times,
To help drive away my fears.

If all I have are dreams of you,
Then I'll guard them like a treasure.
For every thought I have of you,
Can only bring me pleasure.
I pull my pillow closer,
Pretend it's you by my side;
Then drift away in dreams of you,
Into this lonely night.

INSPIRATION

Words float from my fingertips,
A delicate sensation;
Like fireworks on a darkened sky,
An explosive inspiration.

Shooting 'cross a blackened sky,
To illuminate the night;
Scattering the darkness away;
With beams of shimmering light.

Pouring forth from deep within,
Like pounding waves of desire;
The words no longer lay silently,
But speak the need to inspire.

The beauty of the written word,
Defined by inspiration;
Cries out inside to be released,
In a sensual flirtation.

Words float from my fingertips,
In a dance of written desire;
To sing a song of ecstacy,
And the beauty to inspire.

Quintessence

Devil got me again tonight
Turning things inside out
Taking away all my cofidence
And replacing it with drought

I was born in oblivion
And everyday since i've been hunted
I betrayed myself counterfeit
Had the self control of a puppet

There is a battle of darkness
In my soldiered skull
I have died enough deaths
That i believe i'm immortal

I had sold my last rites
And pawned eveything I became
For one minute of glory
And two minutes of fame

So I'm headed out to the wild west
Thirsting for the laws of the wilderness
I am a saint, disguised as a painted knaive
Looking for some belief

I don't feel
Like compromising tonight
I'm not looking for any shooting stars
No fresh coloured saviors
Who deny me to make me starve

I'm trying to learn
The songs of redemption
As I swim in soaked venom looking for my love
With the sailor's thirst
I cross the cemetaries of my soul
Nursed by the diseased scorpions...