Being in love is an amazing feeling. It is everyone's secret fantasy to have that special somebody in life. Everyone survives on love. Almost all lives centre on this theme.
People fall in love for a number of reasons and many relations break down because they are all the wrong reasons for being in love. Some people get into relationships because they feel empty or worthless when they are single. Some people get hooked because their friends are in relationships and they feel left out in the game of love. Some might be repeatedly questioned by family as to when they are settling down. So there is pressure, either direct or indirect, on both men and women to fall in love.
Nowadays, it's very easy to fall in and out of love. Often people mistake lust for love. When the lusting is over and done with, people realize that they were never in love. It is not uncommon to hear couples say that they share a great chemistry and that's the reason why they got together. But relations started on the basis of chemistry and not commitment; rarely stand the test of time. A lot of people believe that it's natural to fall out of love. Although it is common, it is not natural.
However, there are relations that start off on the right note, with the right intentions that run into rough weather. People often make the mistake of promising the stars to their better half and later back off from fulfilling that promise or completely deny making such promises. This is one of the reasons why people fall out of love as their expectations have not been met. It also leads to hurt, anger and resentment as your loved one may feel cheated. Another common complaint among couples is that their partners have changed over the course of the relationships. The truth can be that they haven't changed. It's just that people tend to take each other for granted.
No matter what the reason, all issues can be resolved if a couple is willing to commit to each other and work towards building and strengthening their bonds. Men and women should not think their partners are mind readers. You have to talk to each other. Relationships flourish only where there is trust, understanding, acceptance, and forgiveness. It is important to be truthful to yourself to be truthful to your partner.
Breaking up is never easy. And it's even tougher for exes to be friends. But, if you have the signal clear that you like being friends with the person, then it's best to stick to the decision, take a step back and get into the "just friends zone", without ruining it all.
Love heals every scar.
But what heals a scar given by love?
The man is more often than not forgiven an extra-marital affair, and the wife assumes martyr status. Where does that leave the Other Woman...Is she not human?
To the Other Woman of long standing, to borrow a line from Germaine Greer, “watching society's efforts to deny her existence is amusing.” Angelina Jolie trots around the world collecting children in a do-gooding publicity blitz to wipe the memory of her home-breaking affair. Senator John Edwards smiles and is forgiven by a cancer-stricken wife who turns martyr for his campaign. The mistress becomes a “mistake”. And Carla Bruni almost makes it as a poster girl, until the too-socially-perfect a marriage to forgo happened.
The Delhi High Court considers the mistress equal to the wife in matters of domestic violence, but society still has its nose in the air. Shobhaa De, Pooja Bedi, Smriti Irani all distance themselves from even commenting. Other Women take the rap in Suchitra Krishnamoorthi's rants on infidelity; in Rani Mukerji's professional isolation and self-imposed silence. Men dally freely and women take the blame. Hasn't it always been that way?
When Shakespeare died, he left his wife Ann Hathaway only his 'second best bed' in his will. And who knows where the original went! But why go so far? The Other Woman remains embedded in Indian culture; in the harems of the Mughals, the erudite Bengali babu's sonagachi of the 1800s and in the Tamil Brahmin's chinna veedu. Mistresses were beautiful, talented, seductive magnets of men, and inescapably sidelined until they entered mainstream marriage.
At least those who were lucky did. Indian filmdom has pointed its finger at everyone from Waheeda Rehman to Madhubala, Rekha's Silsila, Sridevi's wait for respectability, and Hema Malini's refusal to even pose for photographs with Dharmendra.
What motivates an affair? Who wants to listen to the Other woman?
They don't crave the stability their male-friend’s marriage has. If does not even think of giving it to her, he runs away. He needs a no-strings-attached relationship. My friends say I am in denial. I think they're denying they can be happy this way. As Maureen Dowd phrases it, "Men are necessary not because we need them, but because we want them. It's nice. Like an ice-cream or something."
The man on his part treats his Other Woman as he would never treat his wife — international holidays, a penthouse, diamonds, flowers, and tenderly calling her the love of his life. The stuff of fantasies. But the truth is, he loves to have the control of two lives without extra commitment.
Is forgiveness a virtue? The new-age man has to apologize or be damned. So he did. He becomes a martyr to his hormones. He gets away with it by saying he did it so what? And leaves the Other woman to take all the blame and shame.
Men in affairs are the wimps. Very few men in affairs have the spine to give the Other Woman the option of moving on. Most pretend its leading somewhere. He's not going to jeopardize respectability for a potential soulmate. Women fall into the trap when the man phrases the miserable three words — I need you.
But why presume that men are seduced beyond their will? Is it not the married men who are angling for an affair? It takes a special kind of woman to sustain an affair and still be on the social circuit. To accept being sidelined, people's glances... It's not for the faint of heart. It's not like the man is being kidnapped, drugged or stolen away. A lot of people see only what is outward. They don't notice the home they're accused of wrecking probably had its own reasons for falling apart. They only see the explosion. They see what follows and not what went before. A win-win situation. No commitments, no emotional burden. An easy shrug off when he feels being cornered.
Would a man be called the Other Man? Never. It comes from thinking of women as more chaste beings. Even women have sexual urges is a surprisingly new idea to most men. The fact that a woman initiates sex, wants an orgasm too is anomalous. The Other Woman doesn't have an easy time of it. Never.
"As long as there is marriage, there will be a mistress," writes Victoria Griffin in The Other Woman. And as long as there is a mistress, may she find a voice.
She loves him without a tag, freely. She finds peace in knowing glances, shared moments, stolen sighs. Worrying if people would find out, what they'd say, was a fleeting instant of fear. She doesn't need public acknowledgement. It would seem to be a state of constant bliss. There's firmness to being the strength inside a man. She glows with secret love. Don’t you think a mistress is on par with the wife? She just owns a side of a man, a wife doesn't. She is equal, with spaces in her togetherness.
She shares joys without responsibilities, she consoles without being involved. There is a distance too because the relationship is fragile. On the other hand, wives and husbands go where the Other woman will never. They don't discuss “their” life much. Nobody knows about tomorrow so she lives more fully for today. Today, here and now, is all it's about. She is happy in her own ivory tower. One day, it will all come crashing she supposes and that’s the bitter truth. She shrugs. Tomorrow is another day.
You can tell she means it when she says "I am fearless. I don't fear failure, I don't fear anybody but ..." But what? Does Miss Bindaas actually fear something? Hush-hush secrets tumble out, embarrassed she admits, "It is so since more than a decade. I am scared of humans! It's so awkward that someone like me who is so independent just needs to have somebody around. It's some sort of inexplicable terror which I have to get over sometime in my life. But currently it seems impossible"
So the Other woman always remains a mistress, “The other Woman” and never a wife….coz nobody....nobody listens to her…..
