An extract from “Finding Nemo”. Where Marlin says,”Alright, we are excited. First day of school, here we go! We're ready to learn and get some knowledge!” And then again, “Just 5 more minutes, I don't want to go to school.”
Many kids look forward to going to school. They may not always enjoy every single part of the school day. But in general, they like spending time with their friends at school, learning new things and being challenged.
Some other kids just dread going to school though, always looking forward to the weekends when they could spend more time at home. For these kids, going to school may become so stressful that they have temper tantrums over going to school or complain of symptoms such as headaches, stomachaches, or chest pain. For some kids, there is an easily identifiable trigger for school refusal, such as being bullied, death in the family, or move to a new neighborhood. They even try everything to stay home, from sneaking off the school bus to pretending to be sick. Some cried all the way to school and screamed when the teacher took them by the hand and clung on to anything they could grab as the teacher dragged them away into the class. They get creeps after vacations, “School had begun...”
Similar is the case with grownups. Everyone tries to be a skiver sometime or the other in their work life.
Everyone has had days when they just don't feel like going to work. Whether that's because you really have an issue that requires you to stay home, wish you had a different career or celebrating a rainy day or just feel like playing video games or going for shopping all day, it doesn't really matter. You just need the perfect excuse to get you out of the office and back into bed. The most common reasons involve the office schedule infringing on their personal family time; a dislike of small-talk and social events, in general; and a genuine family or personal event scheduled at the same time.
We've all been there: it's a beautiful day and you can't bear the thought of going into work. So you call in with the lame-old excuse about feeling ill even though you know your boss doesn't buy it. Besides, "feeling ill" is at best only a short-term solution that won't win you any fans at the office.
Calling in sick when you aren't really? Running a little late? Did your friend show up with tickets to the game, just when you're supposed to be at work? Damn I wish I can make up a story persuasive enough to convince my boss to grant me a day off.
“I have a relative coming in from Delhi and I need to pick them up at the airport. Or better yet I have to fly home for one of my relative’s funeral.” The last one is good for 3 day up to a week or two, as per my company policy. A Strep throat or conjunctivitis can relieve you from office for a couple of days. Even Migraines and influenza are a great excuse because they come suddenly and they last a long time.
“I've got a flat tire or my car ran out of petrol.” Flat tires can come on quite unexpectedly and are something you have to take care of right away, so they are a great excuse for getting out of work.
“My front door came off the hinges.” If your door came off you can't lock your house and you can't just leave it open for criminals to access your precious, can you?
“I tripped and fell down the stairs.” Stairs are often super sneaky and trip up your feet when you're least expecting it. A tumble down the stairs and some bones that may or may not be broken are valid excuses for missing work.
“My carpool group forgot me.” Like a poor forgotten kid waiting for a school bus that never came, you got left behind this morning. While it might win you some sympathy from your boss for your patheticness, it won't excuse you from getting to work.
“A stray dog bit me.” If it's someone else's dog that's being mean, then you'll need to spend your day getting medical care, getting vaccinated and not coming into work.
“I sprained my back lifting something heavy.” Stuff is always going around being so darn heavy all the time, especially when you have to move it from one place to another. Anyone who's ever tried to carry a heavy box up several flights of stairs will sympathize with this plight.
“My pet is sick.” If your boss is an animal lover, play to his or her weaknesses. A sick dog, cat or pony makes the perfect excuse for staying home from work.
“I hit a dog on the way to work and had to drive the dog to the Vet.” If the Boss is a real dog lover, then it’s a perfectly acceptable reason for not coming in!
“I stayed up too late working and am too tired to come in.” This excuse not only gets you out of work today, but makes you look like a hard worker to boot.
I WISH reasons like “Personal Issues” were plausibly accepted by organization’s policy and you could use these excuses to whine your way out of work. And your manager empathically tells you, “Don't let work get in the way of your personal issues and insecurities. Go ahead, take a day off. Do let me know if I can be of any help. Take good care.”
“I didn't have anything to wear.” A wardrobe crisis can mean anything from literally not having anything to wear to just hating everything in your closet. You'll need the day off to go shopping to remedy the problem.
“I am having a bad hair day.” Who hasn't woken up with horrible hair and wished they could just stay home? Why can't you? Trying to dye your hair and have it come out an unexpected and office inappropriate color is a perfectly valid reason to stay home from work. Jokes at the expense of your wonky hair will only damage your delicate psyche.
“I don’t know why, but I feel fat.” Feel too bloated and gross to fit into your work clothes? Sounds like a good reason to stay home in your sweat pants instead.
“I have got pimples.” If your face looks like you're 13 again, you certainly won't be able to face clients or customers. Tell your boss you'll need a few days for it to clear up, and VOILA, she agrees.
Being a woman, I have often used this excuse: "I have really bad cramps." Now before you dismiss this one, think about it: Who can argue? It's such an embarrassing topic that nobody will ever challenge you. It's one of those things that men honestly have no clue about and women can sympathize with. Or "I have horrible diarrhea or I got food poisoning. “From bad Chinese food to steaks at Kobe’s, getting food poisoning is an unpleasant and unpredictable experience. Again, before you dismiss this one, remember that it's such an embarrassing topic. Nobody doubted my sincerity. Plus, it's simple. I didn't need an elaborate back story because no one wants to hear the details.
I wish I could use this trick, “Hi boss, I don’t feel like seeing your hideous face today. See you tomorrow.”
I am very well aware, that can earn me a lifetime of leaves from my employer. But maybe that’s not what I have in mind. So what I say is, “I am calling to inform you that I slipped in the bathroom. The floor was slippery after shower. It's totally believable that I fell and hurt myself. I have to go to the doctor first thing in the morning and I would come in right after my appointment.” The truth was, I was too lethargic to drag myself out of bed so I just went back to sleep. Because the chronic gravitational pull that keeps me on my bed is for today morning only. Tomorrow I would want to go work and save the world from those demonic files and statements that horrifyingly show up on your desktop. But today is the time to meditate. And meditate I shall. Deep under the multiple layers of my blankets; over that soft feathery throne called bed and explore the heavenly pleasures of unperturbed slumber. Alternatively I can also vegetate in front of that “Idiot-Box” and pick up tricks to diffuse nuclear weapons to save humanity from extinction. But for all that to work I need my fool of a boss to act rationally for once and believe my “not-so-original-but-legitimate” excuses to stay at home. I called back in about another two hours and said, "The doctor is late, stuck in Bangalore traffic. This is ridiculous. I'm really upset over this. I guess I can't come in today. "
Who can argue with these excuses? Some are pretty darn valid and some just plain harebrained. Some are ridiculous, over-the-top excuses and convenient scapegoats. But for sure these reasons are plausibly accepted by my Boss and I could use these excuses to whine my way out of work. And VOILA, she agrees and empathically tells, “Don't let work get in the way of your personal issues and insecurities. Go ahead, take a day off. Do let me know if I can be of any help. Take good care.”
Finally I had been excused my stay at home. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED...!!
These excuses are all free-of-charge but if you decide to borrow one please be kind enough to replace it with a good (or not so good) excuse of your own...
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