Implications of “I Love You”

When I say “I Love You” and still feel the pain, still feel jealous and insecure; and hate when “You” does not spend much time with “I”- then I am stressing on the word ”You” rather than ”I”. It means that “You” are the greatest thing that “I” love, and that “I” exist just because “You” have pitied on me by bestowing your love to me. It makes “I” feel helpless, puny, insecure, clasped with inferiority complex, expecting love with the same passion and intensity from “You” in return. It’s like, since I love you, you should love me too. It holds conditions and false expectations. It wants a binding. That's how love gets lost, when we start laying down rules for when love should or shouldn't appear. Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused. “I” could spend the rest of my life saying that “I” love such a person or thing, when the truth is that “I” am merely suffering because, instead of accepting love's strength, “I” am trying to diminish it so that it fits the world in which “I” imagine “I” live.

“I Love You” should have an emphasis on the word “I” implying that “I” love “You” no matter if you love me or not. “I” expressed my feelings for “You” because “I” was not able to contain the overwhelming feeling within “I”. “I” do not care if “You” have the slightest similar feeling for “I” or not, because “I” have the power only over what “I” think and feel, “I” can’t force “You” to feel the same, neither can “I” coax “You” to manipulate and change your views and thoughts.

It’s true that “You” fills “I” most of the time, it fills the empty space inside “I”, thus compels “I” to stay away from the divine power of love. “I” might have had disturbed sleep on some nights, on others “I” suffer from insomnia. That's just how it is, because “I” was the one who chose to walk this path. Hence “I” should not have any complaints regarding the choice.

In the words of a Persian sage: Love is a disease, no one wants to get rid of it. Those who catch it never try to get better, and those who suffer it do not wish to be cured.

Where there is “Love”, there is commitment, insecurity, jealousy and pain- terrible pain. There is no escape from this pain. It is inevitable, like a package deal. So if “I” have to get rid of the pain, “I” need to get rid of love. And here comes the personal freedom of choice. It is often said that absolute freedom doesn’t exist; what does exist is the freedom to choose anything “I” like and then commit myself fully to that decision. Freedom is not the absence of commitments, but the ability to choose, and commit myself to, what is best for me. We all have the ability…we all just don't have the courage to follow our dreams and to follow the signs.

The more “I” learn to let go of the love, leave it free and wild, the more this universal power empowers me surrounding me like a supreme shield, making me broaden my mind from the earth to the space, making enough space to contain the love and the pain. It leads me gently forward. It unknowingly brings “I” close to God. It broadens the horizon for “I” and its competence to spread the ever growing love to both privileged and unprivileged.

All men and all women are connected by an energy which many people call love, but which is, in fact, the raw material from which the universe was built. This energy can't be manipulated, it leads us gently forwards, and it contains all we have to learn in this life. It we try to make it go in the direction we want, we end up desperate, frustrated, disillusioned, because that energy is free and wild.

“History will never change because of politics or conquests or theories or wars; that's mere repetition, it's been going on since the beginning of time. History will only change when we are able to use the energy of love, just as we use energy of the wind, the seas, and the atom.”

A fatally wounded soldier never asks the medical team: “Please save me!” His last words are usually: “Tell my wife and son that I love them.” At the last moment, they speak of love.
I don’t know what to do. I only know that it’s taken me years to understand that life was pushing me in a direction I didn’t want to go in. And through lot of introspection I have come across a few nuggets of insight. Now I know that the warriors of the light are not perfect. Their beauty lies in accepting this fact and still desiring to grow and to learn.